Here With Her
by all.out.carby
Summary: Takes place after Lockdown. (Don't they all?) * Chapter 32: Relief, Shelter, and Love (tiny chapter)
1. Want to Hold Her

Author: Tiger:Eyes Author's Note: This took place immediately after Lockdown.  
  
Carter sighed with the heat bearing down on his sweating body. Abby prepared an icepack that she retrieved from the cabinet. Placing it on Carter's neck, she awaited his response. "That better?"  
  
Carter got lost in his own reply. He nodded, half sighing, half-moaning, pleased with the feeling of ice on his sweat-soaked skin. Abby readied to speak, almost nervously. "The worst of this is over, right?"  
  
Carter looked up from his focus on the dirty tile. He looked at her eyes. The eyes that were deep enough to get lost in. Extending and deep, he sat in the stare and waited for her to talk again to hear her voice. Anything to make the moment complete.  
  
"Tell me we're gonna be okay."  
  
Carter witnessed her lips moving to bring the words to the silent air around them. He wasted no time contemplating, and leaned in to meet her lips. Softly, he planted his lips onto hers. She was surprised, and showed little reciprocation. He stood, meeting her eyes. "We're gonna be okay." Abby's hands met at the back of his neck. She felt safe at once in his arms; safe was she with her new guard around her. The rest of the world outside in chaos, particularly the ER, and she was quarantined with John Carter. She focused on his face, pretty much his eyes and lips alone, unaware of the world swimming with disaster just a door away. Carter looked even deeper and repeated, "We're gonna be okay." Abby, knowing that he couldn't tell anything of the future, believed him. Carter had been through his share of difficulties and his own messes, but things were different with Abby. Carter protected her, and Abby protected him.  
  
Thoughts of confusion raced through each of their minds the second the words left Carter's mouth. Yet, at the same moment, they instinctively acted alike. Leaning in together, they shared their kiss. Passionate and convincing, they were lost. Oblivious to their surroundings, they held each other. Abby, slightly nervous about acting as she was, hesitated to make any first moves herself. But, she was relieved as Carter pulled her close to his warm body with both of his arms. Abby's delicate hands, previously stationed lightly on his shoulders, took positions in his soft hair and on his broad back. They separated for a moment to catch their breaths. Abby, although upset for pulling apart, played as Carter did. They gasped heavily, Abby's hands holding on to Carter's sturdy arms. Carter was more than pleased with the feeling of her small hands on his arms. He brought his hands to her small waist and carefully, slowly, ran his hands up and down just a few inches to make her comfortable. It had worked. Abby sighed and initiated another kiss. Carter fell into it, sinking into the idea of being with Abby. This one was much shorter, ending with the two watching their hands intertwine almost with minds of their own. They gazed on in amazement, watching themselves connect. Abby breathed heavily, with Carter not much different. Carter picked up her other hand, closed his eyes, and kissed her hand. Abby was blown away. She had never been in a relationship where this ever happened. She was scared. Of something; either this new discovery or the current situation. Suddenly, she snapped back to reality and softly broke into small tears. Carter took her to him and held her. She embedded her face in-between his shoulder and his neck, nestling peacefully in his chest. He held his strong arms around her back, kissed the top of her head, and hugged her.  
  
Thunder rattled the yellowing window in the corner of the room. Abby looked up abruptly, until she was soothed again by Carter. He rubbed her back, and allowed her to wet his shirt with warm tears.  
  
Abby felt each tear leave her eye, stinging with pain, grief and confusion. Yet, she felt each tear fall between her cheek and his shirt, bringing her the comfort she had longed to reach for so long. Carter felt her pathos, kept it in his mind. He took her face in his hands as thunder shook the window again, rain pelting against the filthy glass. She looked at him through miserable, teary eyes as Carter reassured her, "We're gonna be okay. Me and you."  
  
She lay down on his chest again, this time her head facing the same way that Carter's was: the door. No one was rushing through the hallways as Carter and Abby had before they had been quarantined. There were still a few people remaining at the admit desk. The patients were sitting surprisingly still in chairs. Dr. Lewis was nowhere to be found. Neither said a word for a few minutes.  
  
"I don't see any doctors," Abby finally said, taking the silence.  
  
Carter was already watching contently, concernedly. "Me either."  
  
Once again, there was silence. The two stood holding each other, until at Abby's request they sat on the floor. He was proud of her, for being so brave. But he wouldn't tell her that until it was over. And he knew that it would be soon.  
  
Abby brought a hand up to his chest, and let it rest there. Carter sporadically pecked the top of her forehead, or her trembling hand. She let the feeling seep into herself, the feeling of being with him. It was like storybook romance, the kind she had to realize as an adult. Her childhood wasn't allowed fairytales or Disney movies.  
  
Carter let her eyes close and slumber befall her. She breathed softly against his chest, now heaving with comfort. He was happy enough to be with Abby, and didn't want to jinx it or jeopardize it. While a health crisis was sweeping over the hospital perimeter, he was holding this woman warm within his arms. Softly, her breaths fell through his shirt to his content chest, sending welcomed shivers through his body. He tensed and relaxed all at once. He looked down at her, her chestnut hair staring back up. He naturally stroked her locks with his free hand, the other resting on her waist. As his one hand flowed through her hair appreciatively, he pulled her closer with the other, taking in as much as he could of her. Breathing in the scent and ignoring the sounds outside.  
  
Slowly, the noises began to dissolve from the hallways and the lobby. Abby rarely stirred in her doze. Her back rhythmically rose and fell, in sync with each of her heavenly breaths. Although Carter was a doctor, working with the human body everyday, he fell in love with hers. Just the shape of her neck, the gentle curve and run of her arms, and the small of her back. It was angelic, the mystique of her body and the power it had on him. He kissed her forehead tenderly, then sat back to savor the moment, his body against hers.  
  
Carter lost track of time in his thoughts. He thought little of anything else but Abby. He didn't want to think of anything else at the moment. He felt both of her hands press against his chest as she slowly awoke, pushing herself away.  
  
Carter was less than pleased to see her small, warm body leave his too soon, but enjoyed her tired face, blinking in the dim light of the room. She stared down at the floor again, rubbed her eyes with a weary hand and looked back up at Carter. He didn't think. He just bent in and kissed her lips, concentrating on her lower lip. He teased it gently, nibbling on it and caressing it, as Abby returned this action as much as she could.  
  
Abby pulled away, slightly gasping, but just enough to notice in the quiet room. She left his arms and walked over to the cabinet, where she removed an icepack for herself and placed it on the back of her neck. She walked over to him and sat back on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her tenderly on her head.  
  
Abby reached for the thermometer. "I think I have a fever."  
  
Carter froze. Please, God, no, he thought. He smiled at her, which was hard to fake, and took the thermometer from her quivering hands. "Let me see, I doubt it." The truth was that his head didn't doubt it. There was every reason to think that Abby could be infectious. His heart however, strongly disagreed, fighting back for both of their sakes.  
  
She let him take it from her, and sat silently still. Carter carefully allowed the tool to enter her ear, afraid himself of the result. Probably more than Abby was. He closed his eyes, but was safe not to let Abby see this expression. The thermometer rang within just a few seconds, and Carter slowly opened his eyes to read the digits, glaring back at him as if they were angry. Is this where it all came back for him? They were haunting him. Just the numbers.  
  
Ninety-nine. Carter sighed deeply, thanking God for keeping her here. John Carter rarely ever turned to God at moments like this, at moments like any, and it surprised him. He thanked God again, actually taking time to close his eyes and bow his head. He smiled thankfully upwards, never feeling like a fool for doing so. He was suddenly aware of the woman against his sturdy frame. He looked down at her.  
  
"It's bad," she said staring out into space. "What is it?" She looked back up at him, and Carter's heart boasted calmly with happiness and pride.  
  
"You're fine, girl," he said. He smiled. He felt odd for calling her 'girl,' but that really didn't matter. He left that brief thought, and grinned as her body gratefully fell back into his chest. He lifted his chin to rest upon her head, but lost his balance when she brung her face to kiss his neck lovingly. She then again sank back into the slumber she was in need of, and according to Carter, the slumber she so richly deserved. 


	2. And He's Happy

The day wore on. Luckily it was a slower day, the kind where the injuries were kids falling off their bikes or someone pricking their finger with a kitchen knife.  
  
Smallpox was gone for good. To be accurate, smallpox was never there. Another form of pox had taken in the hospital. Just a few hours after Abby and Carter's quarantine, it had been cleared. Although Abby and Carter hadn't known, the patients were checked for the disease that the children had carried, each of them resulting negatively. Their individual injuries were attended to, and patients that had carried on a riot previously were allowed home. It all happened in less than a day and a half. The smallpox scare was finally over, and in just two days everything was back to normal. Or, at least, as close as it would ever get.  
  
Carter traveled to the admit desk to see Abby chewing on a pen to pass the time as she looked upon a chart in her hands. Carter guessed that she was unaware of his presence. If the rest of the staff had known about the two of them, he would sneak up from behind her and play the cute boyfriend games. He would wrap his arms around her, all the while kissing her neck. She would laugh playfully along with him, until she would meet his lips herself.  
  
But Abby had decided against revealing their relationship for the time being. Carter took her request into consideration and agreed. Since it was their first day back, they hadn't been able to go to Doc Magoo's yet for the usual, coffee and pie. Carter hadn't seen a break yet that day, and waited for noon, just five minutes away, so he could meet her. But first he would ask her.  
  
"Abby," he called over the counter. The room, while still buzzing with conversation, was exceptionally quiet. She turned around in response and smiled at him. She walked over to him, removing the pen from her lips and sticking it to the clipboard in her arms, which then went to the counter. She folded her arms and spoke to him.  
  
"Hey, Carter," she said. She was a good actor, good enough to pull this off. "What's up?"  
  
"You want to head over to Doc Magoo's?" he asked. "Get something to eat? Because I've just been working so hard today, with all these people coming in. Like a damn zoo."  
  
Abby chuckled at his sarcasm and walked around the desk. "Meet me in the lounge in ten minutes. I'm off then." She followed Luka, who had just called her name. Luka greeted Carter, who waved solemnly and watched as Abby walked quickly away, struggling to keep up with him.  
  
Carter was instantly jealous, but knew nothing was going on. He smiled to himself at how his life had changed in just two days. He walked to the board, unaware of the smile still shining on his face. Weaver stopped him.  
  
"While the long face, Carter?"  
  
Carter half-laughed, and erased a pair of his initials, speaking to Kerry. "Just in a good mood I guess." He smiled at her as he walked away.  
  
"Can I get some help over here?"  
  
Carter, normally, would be annoyed by the sound of a patient who needed a Band-Aid crying for service as if he was falling short of breath. He stopped and took a look at the man's hand. It was a small cut, and fairly deep. The man tapped his hands on the gurney.  
  
"What happened, Sir?" Carter asked, inspecting the wound.  
  
"I was cleaning my daughter's room. It's in the basement, you know. Her window was stuck, the kind that sits real close to the ceiling. So I hit it with my hand to relax it a little. I thought I was getting somewhere the first time, but the second time it broke and I cut this here hand on a chunk of glass." The man sighed. "From now on she can clean her own room." He chuckled with a throaty laugh and watched as Carter pulled a needle and thread from a nearby drawer. "Whoa, hey. What are you doing?"  
  
"It's nothing Sir," Carter assured him. "I'm going to get another doctor over here to give you something for the cut, sew it up, and send you on your way. They'll tell you when to come back. You'll be fine."  
  
"I don't do needles," the man mentioned.  
  
"Not many people do, Sir-"  
  
"Gary."  
  
"Gary. Not many people do, Gary, but we're going to give you something to numb the pain and you don't have to watch. You can even squeeze your wife's hand if you want." He smiled and waved to Malik, signaling for him to tend to the patient. When he arrived, Carter introduced him. "This is Malik, a great guy, He's gonna fix this wound here, okay?"  
  
Gary thanked him with his eyes, as Carter turned to fill Malik in on the man's situation. Malik positioned himself on a stool and readied a variety of equipment.  
  
"Gary," Carter said, disposing of his gloves, "why don't you fill Malik in? Tell him the story?"  
  
"Okay," Gary agreed. He began as Carter walked away to the lounge. He looked forward to meeting Abby there, looked forward to finally getting to be the boyfriend again. They hadn't shared anything the night before. He saw her to her apartment, giving her a sweet goodnight kiss. He wasn't disappointed with the way the night ended, and neither was she. They both needed time to contemplate the situation, which apparently didn't change anything, and they both needed the sleep. That, on the other hand, was a very good thing.  
  
"Carter."  
  
He whipped around, awakening from his thoughts to see Susan racing towards him. "Hey, Susan."  
  
"Hey," she said. "You wanna get something to eat? I'm starved, and I'm off now."  
  
Carter smiled apologetically and spoke. "Sorry, Susan. Abby and I were going to go get something at Doc's-"  
  
"I know," Susan laughed.  
  
Carter half-smiled curiously, his face twisting into confusion. "What?"  
  
Susan laughed again. "I just wanted to ask you about the two of you."  
  
Carter blinked and looked at her. "You're kidding right?"  
  
Susan shook her head. "Come on, spill. I know there's something. Your eyes always catch her. I mean, its not like anything has changed with that part- "  
  
Carter laughed. "Nothing's going on."  
  
"Carter," she said wisely. "I'm not stupid. I saw you two kiss in quarantine!"  
  
Carter opened his mouth, but stopped himself. Surprised, he stuttered without words, if that was even possible. "No you didn't." He laughed, as Susan followed  
  
"I'm not going to say anything," she said with a smile. "I promise."  
  
Carter shook his head with an amused grin. He teased the back of his hair with a steady hand and then crossed his arms in front of him.  
  
"Have you guys, you know," she questioned with a curious smile. "Have you?"  
  
Carter looked a little shocked at her sudden questions. Then he shook his head. "No," he said. "I don't want to until everything is settled again. The whole pox rage has still taken its toll on both her and me sleep-wise. I want to wait until everything is okay between us." He didn't feel odd about confiding in Susan; it was good to have someone to tell this stuff to. They were the only things that he couldn't tell Abby, because they were all simply about her. All the great things about her.  
  
Susan laughed, then waved her hand toward the lounge door. "Go on, you're going to be late for your nurse." Carter smiled.  
  
"You're happy. I told you so."  
  
Carter stopped. "What?" He hadn't thought about it. Not really anyway. He knew he was happy, but he didn't realize it. "Yeah, I guess so."  
  
Susan smiled. She turned around with a wave to Carter and headed towards the desk, already striking up a conversation with Frank.  
  
--  
  
Please review! They're the best. ;)  
  
I know this one is a little weird, probably really stupid. =) Bear with me, please!!  
  
-me 


	3. Beautiful Liar

Carter's heart raced with eagerness as he stepped toward the door. He almost stopped when he saw Abby sitting next to Luka on the sofa. Abby was just giggling in the cutest way. It always made his heart stop when she giggled like that. It was so full of heart. The fact that she was sharing it with another man made him jealous. The fact that she was sharing it with Luka made him something else. Beyond jealous.   
"Oh, hey Carter." She looked lovingly into his eyes. That's when his heart fell back into existence. He forgot about Luka and focused on her deep eyes looking back into his. If it weren't for Luka, he'd sweep her up into his arms and kiss her. But he was there, so instead he walked past her with a smile to his locker.  
"Ready to go?" He called from his locker.  
  
"Yep," she said. She got up and straightened her coat.   
"Where are you going?" Luka asked curiously. "Coffee?"   
Carter frowned. Hadn't she told him? Or was she just enjoying him too much to remember? He was surprised at this sudden shot and glimpse at jealousy.   
"I told you, Luka," she said patiently. "We're going to get something to eat."  
  
Carter smiled at her response. She had mentioned him. She couldn't mention much more, for fear she would release the information about them. But she had told him. Something warm shot through his body.  
  
"Oh, yes, that's right." Luka shifted on the couch as Carter slammed his locker door shut. The thing wouldn't close otherwise. He apologized for the noise and turned to Abby, who was ready to go.   
  
"Let's go," Carter said.   
  
"Do you mind if I come?"   
  
Carter rolled his eyes as they stopped their walk to the door. Abby would let him come, undoubtedly. It was just that 'giving spirit' thing she was born with. She was sweet, sure, but sometimes it didn't necessarily come as sweet. He appreciated it, he loved it, but he didn't love Luka all that much.  
  
"Actually," Abby said to his amazement, "we were going to meet Carter's grandmother there. She's a little under the weather, and she wanted to see Carter." She smiled mock-apologetically. "Sorry."  
  
Carter smiled in his head at the thought of Abby lying just to be with him. It was wrong to lie, sure, but he was grateful for some reason to know that this girl wanted to be with him that much when he knew how close of a friend Luka was to her. His grip on her hand tightened, alerting her.  
  
"Oh, okay." Luka sat up straighter. "I'll see if someone else wants to go. Tell you're grandmother to get well for me." He smiled.  
  
"We will," Carter and Abby replied in unison. They left anxiously and let the hands part as they walked through the entrance. When they were far enough away, their hands snaked towards each other, both of them laughing as Carter took an almost unexpected (but pretty much expected) detour behind a dumpster.  
  
"A dumpster, Carter? Really?" Abby looked at him, smiling.  
  
"Stop complaining," he said jokingly. He pulled a laughing Abby towards him, happily, and kissed her. She gave as much as she could back, both of them gripping each other with fervent passion. Carter pulled apart and looked at her smiling eyes. Her face lit up. He loved that. He kissed her quickly again, almost catching her off guard. "Come on."  
  
They walked towards the restaurant, their fingers intertwined. He loved the feeling of her smaller fingers housing themselves within his hand. It was one of the strangest things in his life. The way that the little things like that mattered. With almost every other relationship he had, he looked forward to sex and thought that that was special. Give him an eternity with Abby's hands and he would die a happy man. He rubbed his fingers smoothly over her cold knuckles to keep her hands warm as her body shivered against his.  
  
All through lunch, he watched Abby pick at her food. He didn't know why he was so fascinated by everything she did. Especially just lately. He loved to see her rest her chin on her hand, with her hair cascading lazily around her shoulders. Even the way she talked to him while she ate her food, not allowing herself to open her mouth. So polite.   
  
It was this part of relationships he enjoyed most. The cute glances here and there. The holding hands constantly while they walked by the river. Of course, their river visits were nothing new. But now, the cute attraction between the two of them had been resolved. They were together, and both of them were so content.   
  
Carter was finally comfortable in a relationship. He felt something about this one. Sure, he'd had chemistry before with other woman. But, this one was different. There were sparks all the time and something else was there. He couldn't put his finger on it, but it was there. It was just that thing that made him all the happier.   
  
Carter found himself watching Abby constantly, memorizing every move that she made from the way she placed each foot in front of the other to walk to the way she blinked and yawned when she was tired. He played even these small moments back in his head when Abby was curled up against him, fast asleep. It was this reminiscing that brought him to a sweet slumber every night.  
  
"You better eat your food, John," she said with a shy smile.   
  
He grinned back and looked to his food. "Can't believe you lied for me."  
  
She shrugged. "I didn't want Luka around, you know. Just wanted to see you." She reached across the table to squeeze his hand and returned to her plate.  
  
He smiled up at her, although she was oblivious to his expression. He knew this, but couldn't help himself. He wanted to laugh, just to release the joy he was holding in. He was embarassed, however and also went to his food.  
  
She put down her fork. It clanged against the plate, bringing Carter's eyes to meet hers. A semi-mischievous grin playing about her face.   
  
"What?" he asked, his mouth finishing the spoonful of spaghetti.   
  
"Come on," she said, taking his hand. "Come with me."  
  
He didn't hesitate and let him drag her outside. They raced together, laughing through heavy breaths as they made their way towards Abby's apartment. When they reached the door, they caught up with themselves. They finally looked into each other's eyes. Carter searched and read both eagerness and slight fear in her eyes. He guessed his eyes were depicting the same image.  
  
Abby sighed happily, keeping her eyes on his. He knew he would have to initiate something. What did he want to do, though?  
  
He reached down to her face and kissed her softly. He felt her coming back to him, gently doing the same. His hands rested on her hips, slowly moving to her waist. Her hands crawled, sliding slowly up his arms where they rested near his shoulders.   
  
He pulled away and looked around. She did the same, returning to his face with a smile. He smiled, releaved. She unlocked the door and pulled him inside. He shut the door. Instantly, their hands were exploring the other's body, feverishly taking the other in. Her hands flew for his coat, as Carter's gentle hands guided themselves through her hair.   
  
The sound of the pager on Carter's waistband broke the moment. Abby parted from him and let her hands fall to her waist. "Of course," she said with a sighing giggle.  
  
"Kerry," he murmured. "And a major trauma."  
  
"Everyone's on!" she said. "Everyone!"  
  
"That's what I thought," he said, readjusting the device to its original position. "I guess they're in need of the fabulous Dr. Carter."  
  
She tittered again. Poking his shoulder playfully, she teased, "Maybe not."   
  
"Coming?" he asked from the door.   
  
"Yeah, sure," she said.   
  
He took his arm and wrapped it around her waist as he shut the door. He kissed the top of her head as soon as they walked out of the apartment. "They're going to need the fabulous Nurse Lockhart, as well."  
  
"Or something close to it." 


	4. Just Like in the Movies

The streets were still dark. As dark as they would have been any night. But with Abby hanging onto his arm contently, it was bliss. The dark was soothing, but not soothing like a gothic, mysterious kind of way. Soothing in the way, where he felt like him and Abby were the only two on the face of the earth. And he didn't mind, because even if it were true, he wouldn't have noticed.  
  
A whole two weeks with Abby. Two wonderful weeks of Abby. He loved being near her. He had never had a real relationship like this one. They hadn't slept together yet, but it had rarely entered his mind. Not that he didn't want it to happen, or some other immediate assumption.   
  
Two weeks of holding hands when they fled the ER for lunch, whispering at the admit desk, and secret make-out sessions that took place in the lounge. Of course, these were hard to find time for, but they had made their way into their schedule a few times.  
  
There were still the scary unexpected appointments between Abby and Luka. He had seen them walking together in the hospital. He didn't know why it bothered him, because he was only jealous before they were together because they weren't together. Just this afternoon, though, they were just giggling away.   
  
He let it leave his mind as they neared the building. He let his thoughts drift back to her hand within his.  
  
They reached his apartment, and Carter fished the keys from his pocket. She grabbed one hand with both of hers as she waited. Carter put the key into the door and let the heavy door fall open with a push. Abby smiled into Carter's sleeve. She kicked the door closed behind her without glancing at it.  
  
Carter turned to her, Abby smiling. She'd smiled a lot lately. "Impressive."  
  
"It's not my first time." They stared and then they giggled. Carter led Abby to the couch, throwing his coat onto a neighboring chair. Abby followed in doing so, and let Carter take her hands, slowly warming from the cold. They were both giggling funnily as they caressed each other. Carter let his lips guide themselves. They left her lips, causing her to groan, still with a laugh. He smiled and kissed her neck. Abby threw her head back in appreciation. She sighed an almost silent agreement and closed her eyes to take it in.  
  
They fell on their backs on the couch, still embracing one another, crowded on the couch. They sat staring out the window, but her dark tresses easily distracted Carter, still somehow shining in the dark. He played with them with his fingers as she rested her head on his chest.   
  
"Want them?" Carter said in the midst of the sea of feelings and silence.  
  
"Want what?" Abby said, keeping her eyes where they had been for the last few minutes, the window.   
  
"The stars," Carter said smiling. "I'll get them if you want them."  
  
"Cliche," she said smiling. "But, sure. I could use some stars."  
  
"I'll get you the kind that you stick on the ceiling."  
  
Abby laughed. "Thanks, Carter." She breathed. Than she giggled again. "Luka has those in his room." She chuckled to herself.  
  
"What a man," Carter said sarcastically. Even Abby laughed at his remark.  
  
"I know."  
  
Carter lay there for a moment, reasoning with himself. Debating whether or not to ask her. "What were you two talking about today in the lounge?"  
  
"Umm," she said, straining to remember. Carter wondered if it was an act. Her 'trying to remember.' He was again stricken with shock at his thoughts. "Oh yeah. Weaver. She had food in her hair, like frosting or something. When Luka took it out, he licked it off his fingers. It was so gross." She laughed. "Why do you ask?"  
  
Carter again didn't know why he was asking her what he was. "You two have been hanging out a lot lately."  
  
Abby sat up over him. "Dr. Carter," she said. "Are you jealous?"  
  
Clearly lying, he sat up and answered her, "No, no. I just, you know." He shook his head quietly. "It's just that, I don't know. It's just that you walk around the hospital with him and we barely talk."  
  
Abby giggled and looked at him. "Yeah, but I only walk with him. I meet up with you in the lounge and make out with you. That's against Weaver code isn't it?" She laughed. "Who do you think is getting the better side now?"  
  
Him. No doubt it was him, Carter thought. "Okay, whatever you say." He couldn't believe he had just said that. He wanted to refrain himself from turning away, looking upset, but he was too late. He cursed himself in his mind for doing any of it.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I didn't mean it that way, Abby." He looked at her. "I meant to say-"  
  
"What about you and Susan?"  
  
He was taken away by this comment. How could she suggest this? He didn't even think of what he had asked her.  
  
  
"I see you guys walking in the hall all the time." She was right. But all they had done during those times was talk about Abby. Well, Carter would. He would go on forever about her, her touch, her smile, her laugh. Susan would go crazy, into a laughing fit. And that's the only reason he spent time with Susan these days. If he had it his way, he would spend that time with Abby. But that wasn't possible.  
  
"Susan and I are just friends, though."   
  
Abby backed away slightly. If he hadn't added the word 'though,' he might have been okay. But he hadn't listened to himself.   
  
"Luka and I are only friends. He's a very good friend. And if you can't see that," she said, then she paused. She waited for a response from Carter. When there was none, she stood up in anger and took her coat from the chair where it had been thrown just ten minutes before. "I can't believe you."  
  
"Abby, wait-" Just like in the movies. Now the girl would walk out and the guy would be alone for the night.  
  
"No, Carter. I'm out of here." Abby said, removing her hair from the inside of the coat, where it had stayed within the collar. "Good night."  
  
Carter protested, but it didn't do any good. She left, slamming the door behind her. Just like in the movies. Only, he wasn't sure if he knew how to fix this one. 


	5. Recognize

Abby came through the front entrance with her head down. Carter saw her, but didn't say anything. One week and they still hadn't talked. He thought she would come in and wait for his apology that he knew that she deserved. He didn't expect her to say sorry to him. He didn't want her to. He would have to suck it up and face her though. He didn't know if that's what she had wanted though, and he was worried.   
  
She immediately walked to the lounge where she met Luka. He thought she was doing it on purpose, but she wasn't. Luka greeted her and walked out. He had rubbed her shoulder though, and that stung in Carter's mind.   
  
He walked into the lounge, pretending to have a purpose for it. As soon as he entered, she left. The move was a little immature, but well deserved on his behalf. He collapsed onto the couch and put his face into his hands. He felt like weeping. He felt like crying to the comfort of the sofa, but left it alone. He thought about Abby everyday. He thought about her now, with his chin resting in his palms. He stared straight ahead. His hand on her small frame, the warmth of their hands twisted together fueling their very existence, and the soft of her lips against his. He sat up straighter as his mind spoke to him.   
  
He was in love with Abby.  
  
  
Carter stood outside the door, willing to turn back and take the plunge at the same time. He heard the television blaring from inside the apartment. The door was standing there, waiting for his knock. Carter's mind told him to go back, but the heart was most definitely disagreeing. He hadn't known who he had listened to before, or rather what. The heart and the mind were two different things, not people. Had it been his heart or his head? Regardless, he would have to listen to his head with this one.  
  
The knock left his hand almost before the thought became his. Footsteps were muffled from inside, singing to the world outside. Or maybe just to Carter, who eagerly awaited her face to appear.   
  
"Carter?" she said in disappointment. She had been crying, not that noticeable. But it was obvious nonetheless. Her eyes were red with tears. "Go away."  
  
"No," he said, stopping the door that was suddenly closing with one hand. He walked inside. "I have to talk to you."  
  
"I'm really not in the mood, Carter." She said this while looking down. "I don't want to hear you talk."  
  
"At first I was angry at you, Abby, because I thought you were sleeping with Luka. And if not sleeping with him, then I thought that you had feelings, or something, for him."  
  
Abby perked up. "Get out! I can't believe you! Get out of here now, Carter."  
  
"Listen to me, Abby, please." He swallowed hard. "And then I was jealous. Insanely jealous. I didn't want you to leave. I just felt so, I don't know, content with you, that I felt so insecure when you weren't with me. And I know we decided against it. But I wanted to be around you. I didn't want you to be around Luka instead of me. So I thought some bad things."  
  
"Well thanks for trusting me," she interrupted him. "You're really great at this relationship stuff, you know."  
  
"Please, Abby," he shushed her. He walked closer to her. He held her shoulders. She didn't stop him, but she was still angry with him. "I was in the lounge, and I thought about everything. I hated myself for what I did. But I know why I did it."  
  
He saw Abby begin another sarcastic remark, but stop herself. "Why is that?"  
  
Carter, once again, took in every ounce of silence. Her taken face was looking intently at his. Did she want him to admit it? Would it be okay if he did? She didn't turn away. She kept her face on his. He breathed out. She did want it. He wanted it and that way they would be okay. Everything would be fine. Perfect plan. No worries. It would be okay. "I love you."  
  
Abby's angry expression disappeared, and a different look filled her face. He didn't know how to read it, so he went on.  
  
"I love you so much, that I don't want to see you with anyone else. I love you so much, that I don't want to see you with Luka. Well, actually I don't want to see you with Luka, anyway."  
  
He pulled her to the couch. She didn't hesitate, luckily for Carter. She stared into his eyes, as he stared to hers, watching for any sign of emotion. Carter didn't know what would come next.  
  
The tears oozed from his eyes, catching himself off guard. He felt Abby's amicable eyes search his downward expression. "I can't stop thinking about you, Abby. And it upsets me because I have never, ever felt this way about anyone. I'm scared, overwhelmed and excited all at the same time. I don't want it to end, but I don't know how its gonna start." He immediately felt part embarrassed over his words. The tears flowed freely from his eyes. Carter put a hand to stop them, but Abby gently took hold of it. Carter looked at her, her face expressionless. It was inaccurate to say expressionless; her eyes were empty, but still filled with a million emotions. Carter bowed his head again, allowing Abby to make a decision about him. Whether or not to do anything with him.   
  
She backed away. Carter looked up in surprise. She picked herself up from the couch, and went to the door. She opened it, and Carter's heart fell again. "I think you should leave." Her eyes were still the same way, only now they wouldn't let themselves meet his.  
  
Carter started to tear, but not as obviously. "No, Abby, listen to me." She shook it off and signaled for him to leave. "Abby, please. Don't do this. You know-"  
  
"Get out, John," she said, her frown a hollow, pale figure against her face. "Leave."  
  
Carter took himself from the couch and walked to her. He kissed her lightly on the lips, but she didn't return it. She simply stood there, her eyes closed. Carter stepped back and looked at her, as if he was worried. He bent his head, and walked away.  
  
  
John Carter sulked into the ER that day, trying to avoid the eyes of every human. He knew that no one knew of his situation, but he felt like everyone did. And everyone was blaming him. He didn't trust his girlfriend, the one person that he was crazy about besides a zealous grandmother and some old friends. Scratch the friends, maybe not even them anymore. Susan was the first to approach him.   
  
"Hey Carter," she said, her eyes focusing on her ID tag, struggling to keep it straight. "You've been like this for a week. What's wrong?"  
  
"I-I really don't want to," he said. He looked at her with pleading eyes, although he wasn't exactly sure of what he was asking for.   
  
"Yes you do," Susan said sympathetically, finally setting her tag. She put her hands firmly on her hips, tended to an itch on her nose and spoke to him. "I'm off at noon today, so if you want to get something to eat, or something, I can meet you in the lounge."  
  
Carter looked at her and sighed slightly.  
  
"It's something about Abby, isn't it?" Susan inquired patiently.  
  
Carter paused to look down and started walking away. He called, without turning his head, "See you at noon."  
  
Carter met Weaver, who forthwith started filling him in with a patient's story. Carter guided himself to listen to her words. Leaning into the trauma room, he began to work with the male on the gurney, bleeding from his side. Carter went to work at once, his mind clearly occupied with other thoughts. Reaching for tools and repeatedly yelling different orders to the many occupants of the room. Abby entered, ready to help, and ignored Carter's affectionate stare. Carter cursed himself in his head and continued another day of work. 


	6. With a Little Help From a Friend

Carter sipped his coffee, staring hollowly at the pot in front of him. He felt Susan's friendly eyes watching him do so, allowing him to start the conversation, if there was to be one, whenever he felt ready.  
  
He brought himself back to those first days, where he and Abby would lie next to each other. Her arms wrapped around his waist, his around hers. She would sigh every few minutes while she rested peacefully, leaving his heart to melt. He wondered about the two of them while playing with her cute chestnut hair, wrapping it around his fingers and then letting it fall. He wanted her back so much, and probably with the smallest chance, he might get her back.  
  
"I thought Abby had something for Luka," he suddenly poured. Susan almost jumped, but tried not to let him notice. She leaned in to pay attention to his story. "I told her one night because I was scared a little bit. She got mad and we broke up, I guess. I tried to talk to her again, and I ended up getting shoved out again."  
  
"Boy, Carter," Susan said after a pause. "You know how to get into stupid messes, don't you? How could you jeopardize something you loved so much?"  
  
Carter felt tears welling up in his eyes, and beginning to mist. "Because I fell in love with her."  
  
Susan's jaw dropped. She pulled it back up, but Carter had already noticed. "You have to tell her, Carter."  
  
"I did," Carter stated. "I told her, she didn't care."  
  
Susan sighed, and looked into his pained expression. "Carter, do something about it. Do something before it's too late."  
  
"Do what?" He fired at once. "What can I do to make her realize, to let her know..."  
  
"You know what you have to do," Susan said. "You just haven't heard of it yet."  
  
Carter looked at her, then hugged her. "Thanks, Susan."  
  
She nodded and smiled as he walked away. Carter knew not what to do, but at least he knew how to feel.  
  
-  
  
"I love you," the woman behind him said.  
  
"I love you, too," the man answered.  
  
Normally, this would delight Carter. He wouldn't admit it or show it to anyone, there was never really a chance. Either way, he didn't want to hear it at all today.  
  
"But I love you more," the woman said with a flirting giggle.  
  
"No way," the man replied. "I love you more. More than life, more than anyone - "  
  
"I love you more than anyone in the world!"  
  
"I love you more than my dog - "  
  
"Pookie?"  
  
"More than Pookie."  
  
Carter whipped around, preparing to say something to the couple. Instead he saw them, hand in hand kissing. The way they actually acted was disgusting. They met in a rather appauling kiss that never seemed to end and the man's hands were maliciously destroying the woman's hair. But there was love in both of their eyes.   
  
He wanted that. He had almost had that. Well, minus this couple's disgusting habit. He wanted to be with Abby. He couldn't live without her. He knew it now. In a way, he thought to thank this couple. They had showed him only more of what he had thought he wanted. He thought he wanted to hear Abby say she loved him, as he loved her. He did love her.   
  
But now it was different. He wanted to be with her. To be with her. Not just love her, but live in this world with her. He wanted everyone to know that he was with her. He wanted to do everything on earth to prove to her that she was the one he was supposed to be with.  
  
He witnessed the couple finally breaking apart. The man stroked her back roughly, as the woman did the same. He almost winced, just imagining how much it probably hurt...  
  
Abby was gentle, loving, caring and at the same time completely like him. Just trying to get by. He'd never been in love before. But he knew that she was the one he should be with. She was Abby and he was John Carter.  
  
He wasn't talking engaged or anything. He didn't want to ask her to marry him. Well, perhaps not yet. But she meant everything to him. In no time at all, he had fallen for her. Years later, he's dating her, and again in no time, he's in love with her.  
  
In love with every ounce of her body, heart, soul, mind. She was everything to him. Everything. He had to get her back. Of course she wasn't with Luka. She was with him. He trusted her now. He always had. He never knew it.  
  
-  
  
"Susan," Carter called. "Susan! Wait!"  
  
She turned around to meet him in the ambulance bay. "Kerry doesn't want me, does she? Tell her I went home already - "  
  
"No," he said, catching his breath and breaking a laugh. "I gotta thank you."  
  
"You 'gotta thank me?'" Susan said with a confused expression.  
  
"You showed me everything," he said.  
  
"What?" she said with a laugh, doubting this.  
  
"I love her," he said. "I love her more than anything, anyone. More than life. I'd die for her, I know it."  
  
Susan shook her head. "I know, I know. Carter, you did that all on your own. You showed yourself." She looked him straight in his puzzled, but happy eyes. "And it's about time."  
  
Carter leapt to her and hugged her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."  
  
She hugged him calmly, unlike him. "You did it on your own."  
  
"No," he began, laughing.  
  
She pulled him away. "Go get her, Carter."  
  
He nodded. "I will."  
  
"I know."  
  
-  
An NC-17 fic is due soon. If anyone would rather I once again keep it down to a PG-13, please let me know through reviews. I hardly ever get to email.  
  
Thanks for all of the reviews. I hope you're all enjoying this one. There's a lot more of it coming, hope that's okay. ;)  
  
Sorry for it being such a lovey-dovey "Carter's got it figured" fic. This one is the most cheesy out of all my stories, so be prepared. ;)  
  
-me 


	7. Together

The knock. It started with the knock.   
  
It was in the middle of the night, and the knock threw itself into the dark quintessential magic of the room. He awoke with a start, turning himself towards the clock on the neighboring nightstand. It read two-thirty.  
  
The knock, again, pierced the sharp air, setting Carter straight up in his bed. He rubbed his eyes, and vigorously scratched the back of his head. He walked to the door and rubbed his eyes again, to ensure his alertness. The door opened, and the sight could have knocked him off his feet.  
  
Abby stood in the darkness, waiting for someone to say something. Carter didn't know whether or not to initiate the conversation. In the end, the silence prevailed and Abby grew frustrated with the victor.   
  
"Can I come in?" she whispered, staring at the ground.  
  
"Of course," Carter answered instinctively, sidestepping to let her into the door. She sauntered in, and went to the couch. She sat on it and let her head fall, taking in the black around her. Carter considered staying next to the door, but again the silence prevailed, pushing him to the couch where she sat. She didn't move, and Carter wasn't sure if he had appreciated that. They sat in silence for ten minutes. Carter could tell; he was watching the clock occasionally. Each time his eyes drifted back to the sulking form in front of him. She managed to keep her head down the entire time until, after an eternity, she rose to look at his face. Carter was now bowing his head, not caring for the moment. In that second, Carter didn't want her if she didn't want him. Had he wanted to reject her to keep her happy, or to keep him sane? Or rather, insane, now that he thought about it.  
  
Abby was breathing softly. That was pretty much all he could hear. Her breathing, and his breathing. Both of them breathing and the faint sound of traffic below was all he had. Her hand fell lightly on his shoulder, bringing his head up to meet her eyes. Instead, her head was now the one facing the couch cushions. Neither of them moved until Carter moved to her ear, and whispered pleadingly, "Abby, please don't do this. Please don't hurt me again."  
  
And then it happened. Tears fell from Carter's eyes. He couldn't believe it happened. He bowed his head and buried it in his hands. Carter felt Abby's lips gently press against his cool skin in the dark. They were against his neck, close to his shoulder. She placed them slowly and cautiously and sensitively, each one with care. She tugged at the collar of his shirt. She moved it away and kissed his shoulder. Carter breathed out, loving every minute of it. She smoothly stroked his skin, close to sweating. Abby pulled off his coat and then quickly took his shirt away. She planted kisses of the same kind up and down his chest. Carter moaned and kissed her neck, then the back of her neck.  
  
She paused and came up to his ear. She kissed the cheek near the ear, and whispered to him. "I love you."  
  
She pulled him down to her and kissed him. Fiery with passion, they both stiffened then flew into it. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. He enveloped her in his embrace. He held her tightly, the two of them never letting their mouths depart. Her lips were soft against his, as he moaned slightly. She mirrored the sound and pulled away for air. Their faces were inches apart, their breaths colliding.  
  
Carter reached for her shirt, but stopped to make sure they weren't going too fast. Abby nodded and ordered him to do it. Her lips were doing their job all over his sweating face.   
  
It was different with her. He didn't just sit in the moment, as if he was there with *a woman.* He was there with Abby. Abby was the woman he loved. This was the first love he had ever experienced. With sex before, the only thing he felt was a woman. He felt Abby, and their stomachs gliding against each other's. He was aware of their constant caressing. And, best of all, he knew she felt it all, too. It wasn't something that the two of them would forget about. It was theirs, and Carter could cry at his happiness. But he already had been.  
  
Their bodies were gentle against the other. It was the two of them in a moment. He didn't think it would ever be this way. This passionate and this comfortable. He hoped she felt the same. When he saw her face, easy and silent, he knew it. She did feel the same.  
  
He collapsed onto her, as she ran her hand through his hair. Her eyes were closed, but when they opened they met Carter's. It was magic then and there.  
  
He kissed her lightly on her lips. Her face was covered in light perspiration. His lips separated from hers and met her nose. She kissed his chin at the same time, and smiled as his lips finally met her forehead.  
  
He was more aware of her arms around him, holding on for protection. He held onto her just as tightly, needing her more than anything right now. Her lips were against his neck, making him relaxed. But not just relaxed. It was something more, but he didn't know what it was. He didn't know if he could process anything more than right now.   
  
He was mumbling something againgst his neck, but neither of them heard it. She answered him sporadically, still not knowing what she was saying, or what he was telling her. However, the words "I love you" were standing out.  
  
They were both breathing heavily. Carter kissed her neck, and her naked chest once more. He pulled her arms above her head by her wrists, and kissed her stomach. She sighed with delight, and kissed him wherever she could.   
  
She pulled his face to hers and kissed him one last time before cuddling up against his side on the floor. Breathing heavily, she kissed his chest, smiled into it, and let herself sink into it. He took a blanket from the couch and spread it over the two of them. She shifted under the added warmth. Carter's hands went around her waist under the blanket and brought her to him even closer. He planted a kiss on top of her forehead. "I love you," he whispered to her wispy locks surrounding his chin.   
  
"I love you," she answered, still smiling.  
  
He was hugging her to him, and he hardly noticed anything until she hugged him back. Her tiny waist was encircled in his arms. He enjoyed every minute with her.   
  
And what a great feeling love was. He never stopped thinking about her. Well, there were times when it was suture was on his mind, or some emergency, or the well-being of his grandmother. But now, he *knew* she felt the same way. They would be apart, but they would be together somewhere else now whenever they were at County, or even if they were at two different ends of the country. Somehow, they'd still be together.  
  
She was asleep now. He smiled against her being there, loving every second. How could someone be so beautiful, so special to him that he could feel like this about her? He understood everything she did, everything she wanted, everything she said. It was unexplainable, the way they fit together. In the other's arms, they were the same person they always were. But, it was different. While they were the same people as always, they were in love. And that was a whole other world.  
  
"I love you," he repeated against her cheek before giving it a quick kiss and joining her in slumber. 


	8. Too Much

The time was flying by. For one month, Abby and Carter had officially been in love, or at least made it known. They were conflict-free, and he loved it. Everyday they went out on their breaks together, and still kept up with their secret sessions in the lounge. They had slept together the night she showed up at his door and it was wonderful. But, for once, that's not what mattered most. As before, the smallest things counted. Her eyes in the dark, her hands in the cold when they walked, and her voice singing in the shower. She certainly wasn't cut out for singing, but life was so natural with her, so fit. He loved being with her.   
  
"Carter," Abby called from the admit desk as he walked by. "I'm off in five. Want something to eat?" She smiled at him from her position behind the desk.  
  
"Sure," Carter said, trying to hold in the excitement. He wondered if it was even normal to still be excited over everything that him and his girlfriend did. Just eating lunch was still fun. She always found a way to turn adorable, and always found a way to reach in and pull out a different Carter. "See you there."  
  
Abby smiled, almost seductively. Normally, a guy would say to himself, "I'm gonna get some tonight." Oddly enough, he immediately thought, "I get to have lunch with her."   
  
Five minutes passed by fast enough for him, luckily for him. He rushed to meet Abby in the lounge, knowing that he would arrive early. He gladly saw her there just as early.  
  
She shut the door behind her and leapt into his arms. She laughed as Carter half-tickled, half-kissed her. She closed her eyes and let the man in front of her do whatever he wanted. He went to her neck and followed down her top, as close as he could to he chest, keeping her shirt on.  
  
She gasped, smiling. "Carter!" He giggled, almost childlike and continued. Her hands went to his neck and the back of his head. "Carter! What are you doing?" She was interrupted with her own giggles and kissed the top of his head. "Carter, someone's going to see us!" They were laughing so hard, they hadn't even realized they had backed into the door. Abby was laughing so hard, as Carter starting even harder. He stopped in attempt to control his laughter, leaning against her neck. She hugged him lovingly and let him hug her back. She hugged his neck, and then went for his hand. Carter lead the two of them outside, only holding hands when the hospital was removed from their view. He took her to his side, which he knew she loved. They sighed and made stupid, sarcastic comments. It didn't matter. They were in love. And they were both in love with that fact.   
  
"Let's do something else," Abby said.  
  
Carter laughed. He rubbed her back. "What do you want to do?"  
  
"I think we should go somewhere." She looked at him. Seriously.  
  
"Like to a movie?"  
  
She giggled. He loved that laugh. "No, no. Like to another state."  
  
Carter smiled. "Another roadtrip? Really, Abby?"  
  
She giggled again. His heart may have fallen again with it. "Yeah. Let's just take a week off of work and go somewhere."  
  
Carter smiled again. "Okay," he said after delaying himself. "Let's do it."  
  
Abby's jaw could have dropped. "What? Are you serious?"   
  
They began walking faster. "Yeah," he answered, pulling her through a heavy crowd. "Let's go."  
  
Abby giggled, trying to keep up with him. "Where are we going?"  
  
"Where do you want to go?"  
  
"On a cruise!"  
  
He laughed aloud, and met here eyes, completely earnest. "A cruise? Whatever you want, Abby. You got it. Let's go."  
  
"Right now?" Her smile lit her entire face, and he loved it.  
  
"Yeah," he said. His eyes were on the street signs. "We're going home to phone Weaver, tell her we won't be here for a week or two."  
  
"Or two?"  
  
"Shh," Carter put a finger to her lips, permitting her to crack a smile. They were silent for the rest of their run to Carter's apartment. When Abby broke down in laughter, she stopped and held her paining side. He scooped her up and lifted her onto his back. She laughed the whole way home.   
  
He loved her. He loved her too much.  
  
They finally reached Carter's apartment, with Abby apologizing for occupying his back. He kissed her as they walked inside, and they separated to make their calls. Weaver wasn't so pleased, but agreed in the end.   
  
--  
  
Cheeeeeeserrrific! Ahhh... that's me!  
  
Are they going on a cruise? gasp! Not really. I don't know what that was for.  
  
You know what other couple I am a big fan of? Elizabeth and Romano. Anyone else, or am I just weird? I don't want to sound so anti-ER, but sometimes it looked like Mark and Elizabeth were hiding something from each other. I don't know. Never mind. Dont' hate me.  
  
-me 


	9. Friendly Skies

"Cruise to where, Abby?"  
  
"Wherever," she said from the bathroom, through the pour of the shower. "Where do you wanna go?"  
  
Carter smiled and walked to the bathroom. He opened the door and spoke to her. "Where do you want to go?"  
  
"John!" she said playfully. "You scared me! What, do you want me to fall in the shower or something?"  
  
"No," he said. "Can I come in there?"  
  
She giggled, and brung her head out of the curtain. "Somewhere tropical." Her head was covered in shampoo, and her face was blanketed with droplets of water. "Somewhere warm, for a change." She reentered the shower and began singing to herself.  
  
Carter smiled at his hands, knotted together. He didn't think it was possible to love anyone anymore. He always wanted to laugh at the people on movies and television, particularly on soaps, when they talked of nothing but love. But his relationship with Abby was so perfect. It was like everything that he had dreamed of, but thought unreal.  
  
"Like the Caribbean?"   
  
"Wow, this is gonna cost a lot. How about we just go to Indianapolis?"  
  
Carter smiled. "No thanks. Don't worry about the cost."  
  
"I have to."  
  
"No you don't. Consider it our one month, kind of more, but still, our one month anniversary."  
  
"Our one month anniversary." Her head left the shower again and appeared outside of the curtain. "I love you."  
  
Carter sat in awe at the beautiful woman. "I love you, too." He kissed her nose, her jaw, and then her lips. He melted when she touched his face. He loved her beyond explanation of words. She let her hand explore his face, searching his eyes for nothing, but everything. He bent his head sideways and kissed her wrist, then her arm. He stood up and kissed the rest of her face and shoulder playfully, until turning around to leave.  
  
"Hey," she called. "Where are you going?"  
  
"Finish your shower," he answered. "I wanna go get something to eat."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I'll be booking our cruise, my darling."  
  
Abby laughed. "That was so cheesy, John."  
  
"Don't you love it?"  
  
She laughed again. Carter shut the door and went to the phone. He made flight arrangements after ten minutes of waiting around on the phone. Arguing with the people on the other end who didn't seem to hold up the term "friendly skies" very well.   
  
Abby came out of the shower, her hair in damp strings, hanging sharply from her head. She shook it in the middle of the living room and walked to Carter, who was sitting on the couch. He was nearly shouting to the receiver, clearly upset with the other end. He opened his arms while he yelled, letting the receiver rest between his ear and his shoulder for a moment. Abby took this as an invitation, and sat down on his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and watched intently as he argued with the invisible voice.   
  
She planted a small kiss on his nose. He didn't have time to smile back. She understood, but didn't stop. She kissed the area around his temples, then his cheek. She smiled into his face and kissed the top of his head, and went to his neck. He gently massaged her wet head, hoping to let her know that the shouts weren't changing his mood towards her. She smiled in appreciation and cuddled up against him. She grabbed her legs and pulled them towards her, so she was completely sitting in his lap. He hugged her with one arm. He liked the idea of almost protecting her. Not exactly protecting her, although he was and would at any cost.   
  
"Thanks," he said to the phone. "That's all I want. Your attitude was horrible." He hung up.  
  
"My big strong John," she said. He forgot the phone and kissed her, squeezing her towards him. She breathed out and closed her eyes. "How did it go?"  
  
"I haven't gotten the tickets yet. They're going to call me back."  
  
She hugged his neck. They slowly fell to the ground and kissed for nearly twenty minutes before slowly drifting away into a steady sleep. He felt so childish, but so appreciative at the same time. While she was in his arms, all he could do was stare at her. His hand ran through her hair gently. He was so in love. He laughed at himself and turned to her, holding himself against her. He placed one arm around her, protectively and imagined himself and she the only ones on the planet. Everything was going perfect, according to plan. But in a way, there was no plan.  
  
Their relationship was complete improvisation. Wherever they went from there, is where they would have gone. She enjoyed it as well; he could tell. He knew her so well, better than the back of his hand.   
  
--  
  
There it was. Another completely faultless fic. Oh, they're doing just greeeeaaaat. Perfect. But, of course, something's gotta go wrong, right? Ha ha, I just used wrong and right next to each other. (Wow. I'm a dork.)  
  
Stay tuned. Hope you enjoyed this chapter as there will be many more to come. I have a lot of pages to this one on Word.   
  
-me 


	10. the Many Faces of John Carter

Time would still fly by. Two months with Abby now, and things couldn't get any better. They were both living in Carter's apartment. They had just moved all of Abby things, for the most part, to Carter's place. They had spent most of the day sitting on boxes drinking milkshakes Abby had made, after a lengthy battle with a blender. They had laughed it up, and settled onto the crates, pulling two next to each other. It was so "teenagerish," and normally Carter wouldn't allow something like that to seep into his life. He didn't enjoy living like he was younger. Before Abby, he almost honestly refused to admit to real fun and real life. Things weren't just different with Abby, they were almost their own trait. They were so, well, Abby, and the Abby things were the best things on earth to Carter.  
  
The ER was slow on Fridays. Well, usually it was. Today, it was anything but.  
  
"Carter," Susan called from behind. Carter whipped around and stared at her. "Thirteen year-old male, bleeding from the thigh. Car accident. They hit a bus."  
  
"How stupid do you have to be to hit a city bus?" he questioned, taking a clipboard from her hands and reviewing it to himself.  
  
"One of those small ones," Susan answered.   
  
"So then the riders in it were hurt, right?" he asked. "And they're all coming in here, aren't they?"  
  
Susan nodded comically. "You got it. Good luck." She walked away, in time for Weaver to stroll up to Carter.  
  
"How about this, Carter," she said, setting a faster pace for their walk to the ambulance bay. "Somebody drove into Doc Magoo's."  
  
Carter stopped. "Are you serious?"  
  
Weaver started walking again, and Carter followed. "Completely. Hope none of our own were in there."  
  
"None of the doctors were on break," Carter said. "I should have been now, and that's where I would have been."  
  
"Consider yourself very lucky," said Pratt, just joining them from behind.  
  
"I'd rethink that statement," Haleh said from following. They entered the ambulance bay and pulled on last minute gloves to attend to the patients.  
  
"What was that, Haleh?" Weaver said.   
  
Haleh tilted her head to one of the ambulances pulling toward the building. A paramedic bounded from the vehicle, to the pavement. She motioned Weaver towards her and whispered something in her ear. Well, not really whispered, but with all of the noise, Carter didn't hear a thing. He walked closer to her, until Weaver held up a hand. She waved to Susan, who was just entering and pointed towards one of the stretchers being lifted from the ambulance. Susan ran over immediately to tend to it.   
  
Carter started towards Susan to assist, but was stopped by Weaver.   
  
"Carter," she said calmly.  
  
"Weaver."  
  
"Abby. It's Abby."  
  
Carter didn't wait for her to say anything else, or for her to wait for him to say anything. He ran towards the ambulance, through the heavy rain. Thunder was pounding on his ears, the lightening flashing from far away, but still too close for him. Perfect horror scenario.   
  
His eyes flew to the tiny frame on the stretcher. His mouth was open, but he was too shocked to notice anything but a twisted Abby. His hands shook as he turned to aid Susan, somehow attending to her work quite reservedly. Well, reservedly for the situation anyway.  
  
"Carter," she said, working quickly, "You don't have to help with Abby."  
  
Carter would probably throw up if he helped anyone, seeing Abby like this. "No, I want to."  
  
Abby's eyes fluttered, and slowly opened.  
  
"Abby!" Carter shouted through the thick noise. He grabbed her delicate hands and awaited her response. He held them to his chest as the gurney moved towards the entrance, causing him to keep up.  
  
"John." She looked at him.   
  
"Abby! Abby," he said. Then he didn't know what to say to her. She was sitting their with the same beautiful eyes, the smile wasn't there, but the eyes alone were there.  
  
"Keep her conscious," Susan said. "Don't let her get away from us."  
  
They arrived in one of the rooms and began procedures. She was bleeding from everywhere. Her scrubs were soaked with it, and her creamy, precious skin was now blanketed in it.  
  
"What happened Abby?" Carter said, examining her abdomen. There was a cut near her chest, right above her stomach. It was somewhat deep, and Carter was instantly gripped by fear.  
  
"Some maniac just hit the restaurant." She stuttered, and Susan's worried glance met his eyes.  
  
"Don't look at me like that, please, Susan." He didn't even know that he'd said it until Susan nodded in agreement. He figured it was the fear talking, rather than his head.  
  
One of the doctors began to tend to the gash on her stomach. Abby held her hand up as far as she could.  
  
"Careful," she said. "I'm pregnant."  
  
Carter looked at her. She smiled wearily back. He smiled also, either out of reassuring her or actual happiness. The happiness won, of course. "What?" he said, unsure of whether it had been processed or not yet.  
  
Abby laughed weakly, half-moaning in pain. She squeezed his hand for strength, and let Carter gently stroke her forehead. "I found out yesterday afternoon. I was going to tell you today. At home, I'm sorry." She cried out in pain and collapsed backwards, her chin pointed upward as to outlast the discomforting hurt. Carter clutched her hand tighter, closer to him. He kissed her head, and then her lips.   
  
"Don't do that," one of the doctors complimented.  
  
Carter ignored him and smiled at Abby. "It's okay, Abby. Be strong, Abby."  
  
She started to cry. "Ouch!" She fell away, and didn't move.   
  
"Carter!" Susan shouted. "Don't let her do that!"  
  
Carter shook her. "Abby!"  
  
She stirred, and opened her eyes again. But only briefly.  
  
"You can't do that, Abby. Don't scare us like that." Carter was keeping the tears down.  
  
One of the doctors, Geller by his nametag, approached Carter. He took his hand and tried to pull him away from Abby. Abby didn't want to let go, only semi-conscious, and cried for Carter to come back. Carter tried to fight his way out of Dr. Geller's grip, but it was useless.  
  
They were finally removed from the room, where Carter's tears were more apparent, to him and anyone else. Geller looked down solemnly and indicated a chair for Carter, but Carter refused.   
  
"You're a doctor, Dr. Carter," he said. "One of the best, I hear."   
  
Carter didn't move. "Don't you dare waste time making talk," he said. "What's wrong with her?"  
  
Geller swallowed hard. He looked Carter straight in the eye, and talked slowly but surely. "Had she been nearer to the accident, she would have been killed. Consider her lucky enough, compared to the others there. Many of them didn't survive."  
  
Carter couldn't believe his ears. He didn't trust them, let alone his eyes. As a doctor, he didn't tune out. "What's wrong with her?"  
  
"She was hit hard in the abdomen and the head by something," Geller said. "Paramedics on the scene said she was one of the first to be pulled from the site, and if she hadn't been she would have died."  
  
Carter implanted his face into his hands, waiting for the tears to come. Being strong was hard in situations like this. "The baby. She's pregnant."  
  
Geller sighed. "Yes, she is." He placed a firm hand on his arm.  
  
"Don't do that, please," Carter said, "it's scaring me. I know I have to be a doctor and everything, but I also have to be John Carter and the boyfriend. And also, now the father."  
  
Geller looked down, returning to his face shortly. "Things are more complicated now that we have a baby to save. If things come to the worst, I want to know if we should save your girlfriend or the baby."  
  
Carter lifted his head and looked at him in disbelief, almost in anger. "You're insane! It can't be that bad-"  
  
"Dr. Carter," he said, "you know very well, as a doctor, that it certainly can be."  
  
Carter thought hard and let a small tear leave his eye and travel down his cheek. Thunder rolled outside, but was all the same to Carter. He was standing alone in the hospital, the girl of his dreams a million miles away. The ER was bustling with activity, unaware of the relationship that could be torn in two at a minute's notice. 


	11. Scared, Frightened, and Beyond

"Don't do that, please," Carter said, "it's scaring me. I know I have to be a doctor and everything, but I also have to be John Carter and the boyfriend. And also, now the father."  
  
Geller looked down, returning to his face shortly. "Things are more complicated now that we have a baby to save. If things come to the worst, I want to know if we should save your girlfriend or the baby."  
  
Carter lifted his head and looked at him in disbelief, almost in anger. "You're insane! It can't be that bad-"  
  
"Dr. Carter," he said, "you know very well, as a doctor, that it certainly can be."  
  
Carter thought hard and let a small tear leave his eye and travel down his cheek. Thunder rolled outside, but was all the same to Carter. He was standing alone in the hospital, the girl of his dreams a million miles away. The ER was bustling with activity, unaware of the relationship that could be torn in two at a minute's notice.   
  
"Save her," he said. "Save my Abby."  
  
"Okay then," Geller said in acknowledgement. "I'm gonna ask you to stay down here while we operate on her. If we don't stop the bleeding, this could get worse."  
  
Carter nodded in tears, watching Geller walk back to the room. They wheeled her out and Abby cried for Carter as soon as she saw his face. "Carter!"  
  
Carter wasn't sure whether to cry back or not. "Abby, I love you!"   
  
"John! Come with me!"  
  
"I can't Abby," he yelled across the busy scenery.   
  
They had turned the corner, and she hadn't heard him. Maybe she had, but he didn't think so.   
  
He sulked back to a seat, then was warmed by the comforting hand on his shoulder. Susan sat down next to him. "Tell me the truth," he said. "The chances of her living are what?"  
  
Susan looked down. "Fifty-fifty, Carter."  
  
"Oh, my God," he said. "I can't believe this is happening."  
  
"She's a fighter," Susan said, smiling. "She loves you, and that's her reason to fight. For you. And for your baby."  
  
"You know about that?"  
  
"I was right there," she said, smiling again. "Congratulations."  
  
"We don't even know if there will still be a baby."  
  
"The last thing she needs is talk like that," Susan said, her eyebrows raised. "Like I said, 'Congratulations.'"  
  
"You're right," Carter confessed. "Thank you."  
  
Susan nodded. "So much for keeping your relationship a secret."  
  
"I was just about to say the same thing." He laughed a phony chuckle, and looked down. "If I lose her, I will have officially lost everything." He let his head fall into his hands again, for the umpteenth time that day. "I didn't realize one day could change your life like this," he said. Susan rubbed his back with a supporting hand.   
  
"Get some sleep, Carter," she said. "You look exhausted."  
  
"I can't leave her," he said, leaving his hands to tell it to her face. "I'm staying here-"  
  
"Carter," she said, "you know she would want you to get some sleep." She picked him by his arm and guided him to the lounge. "I'll wake you up the second I find something out."  
  
"Thanks," he said, covering up with a blanket on one of the shelves. He didn't hear the door shut as Susan left, for he was already fast asleep.  
  
-  
"I love you, John Carter," were the last words he had dreamt before he awoke. The room was dark. The world, the ER, was remarkably quiet. The moonlight cast an eerie glow about the room, the light gliding through the blinds to mark an unusual pattern. The only other light was from the ER, outside the lounge. The door was opened slowly. Susan walked in.  
-  
  
"Susan," he said. "What's going on?"  
  
"Carter."  
  
"Susan," he said, slightly tearful, "Don't talk like that, please, don't talk like that."  
  
A million thoughts were going through his head. She's alive, she's not. There's a baby, there's not. There was still an us, there wasn't.  
  
He let his mind fall away to the enemy. Fear. Ultimate fear. He'd been scared, but not frightened. Not of anything he could remember.   
  
The dark to a kid was scary. Bobby's death, the lockdown - they'd been frightening.   
  
The thought of being without Abby was beyond thinking. He just knew that it was well, impossible. If she wasn't okay, he wouldn't be. Ever. 


	12. No Reason to Complain

"Susan," he said. "What's going on?"  
  
"Carter."  
  
"Susan, don't use that tone with me, it's frightening."  
  
"Carter, calm down."  
  
"Don't tell me to calm down!" he said surprisingly angrily. "What the hell is going on? What's wrong with her? Tell me, Susan!"  
  
"God, Carter," she said. "Give me a chance to talk."  
  
Carter nodded. "What is it?"  
  
"Abby didn't respond to the surgeon's work-"  
  
"No, Susan. Don't say that, Susan."  
  
"-at first."  
  
Carter wasn't sure if he smiled. He'd never remember. He didn't know if it was necessary or not, though. "Oh, my God, she's okay?"  
  
Susan laughed. "Yes, she's okay."  
  
"Oh, my God," Carter said, laughing with joy. "I was so worried. Thank you, Susan!" He hugged her, but after a few seconds she pushed him away. He looked at her, perplexed.   
  
"Don't thank me," she said straightly. "Thank Romano. He saved them both."  
  
Carter looked at her. "He saved Abby and the baby?"  
  
Susan nodded eagerly, with a matching grin. "Saved them both." She smiled broader. "And a few others from Doc's." She laughed, as Carter jumped to her for a hug.  
  
"Oh, my God," he cried. "Oh, my God, I can't believe this."  
  
Susan tightened the hug on her friend. "You have to thank your Abby, too. She's a tough one."  
  
"She is," he said. He let himself cry freely to her shoulder, and mumbled on about how much he loved Abby. This was a speech that she had heard a lot, but she openly welcomed it today.  
  
"Go upstairs and see her, Carter," she said, smiling even more. "She might be sleeping, but I think you should see her. She might wake up to you."  
  
Carter smiled, kissed Susan on the cheek and ran out of the door. He immediately left for the elevator and traveled up to the OR. He asked one of the desk workers to lead him to Abby, but changed his mind at the last second.   
  
"Could I talk to Dr. Romano?" He smiled and breathed out. The receptionist looked over at another someone behind the desk and tilted her head towards Carter. The other receptionist unwillingly picked herself up from the seat and waved to Carter, instructing him to follow her.  
  
They walked down the hallway in silence. She asked him for his name when they neared the room and he gave it to her. Again, hush fell and the only sound was the footsteps in the hallway.  
  
"Romano?"  
  
"Surgeon. Surgery, you know like operating. Like saving someone's life. Kinda like doing a really important job. That's what I do. That's what I am. Surgeon. Need I take you through it again, Denise?"  
  
Denise shook her head. "Dr. Carter is here to talk to you."  
  
"Tell him I'll be there in a minute. He knows the routine. Chair, three hours, boom! Service."   
  
Denise walked out and looked at Carter. "His sarcastic crap is so stupid." She took him to the chairs, and asked him to sit down. Carter nodded quietly in agreement. There were a few others there. A child and an older woman, most likely a grandparent. There was a woman, sleeping against a man's shoulder, who was reading a magazine. Other than that and himself, the chairs were completely empty.   
  
A few minutes passed, before Romano came out. The others waiting perked up, hopeful, until Romano pointed to Carter. Carter stood up and followed him to Abby's door.  
  
"It took a while," he explained. "We were kind of scared." His face took on a rare serious tone, almost astonishing Carter. "The baby was safe, perfect in fact. Your girlfriend came through almost perfectly. She'll have to be on meds for a while, but other than that, she might be able to return home in a few days. Another week and she'll be ready for work."  
  
Carter nodded and then shook his hand. "Thank you so much, Romano. Seriously, I mean it."  
  
Romano nodded. "I guess I don't have to be an ass to you." He smiled. "All part of the job, you know."  
  
Carter grinned. Romano turned around and walked back to the hallway, on to another situation, where he would have to save someone else.  
  
Carter put his hand on the knob, and turned it slowly. He stepped inside the dark room, and closed the door lightly behind him. Abby was lying stiffly on her back, her face turned to one side and resting on the pillow. Her stomach followed in sync with her silent breaths, up and down. He proceeded to the side of her bed, and watched her sleep. Only then did he realize that he was standing and went for a nearby chair. He pulled it as close as he could to the bed and eased himself into it, putting all of the worrying and concern into it. He looked down at his folded hands and knotted them together, not sure about what to think of.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
Carter looked up, smiling. Tears started to well up in his eyes, and there was the possibility for her also.   
  
"Hi," he said, taking her hand. She gratefully excepted his invitation and tightened the grip on his hand. He playfully squeezed her hand back, a game they had played in movie theaters, restaurants, and nearly everywhere else where they could hold hands.  
  
"I was waiting for you," she said. "I thought maybe you forgot about me."  
  
He laughed and took another hand to hers, the same that the other hand already had a hold on. "No, I couldn't do that."  
  
There was a moment of quiet where they just looked at each other, just at their eyes. He watched as Abby licked her lips, and waited for her to speak. "We're having a baby."  
  
Carter's eyes lit up. He tried to hold down a smile, but couldn't. It tugged at the corners of his mouth until it was fully released, playing across his lips. She smiled at him. He kissed her hands, then her forehead, and finally her lips.   
  
"We're having a baby," he said. She smiled again. "When did you find out?"  
  
"Yesterday," she said. The smile was as obvious as ever. "I felt sick and it had been there for a while so I just thought I would see what was going on." She stretched her legs underneath the blanket and stared up at the ceiling. "Its gonna be different with a baby around. Its gonna be hard to juggle a job."  
  
"You don't want a nanny, do you?"  
  
"No," Abby said. "Anything but. I don't want someone else raising my child like that."  
  
"They could stay at the nursery in the hospital," he suggested. "We could see the baby whenever we wanted. It would be kind of cool to see it at work."  
  
"I hate the word 'it,'" she said. "Don't call it that."  
  
Carter smiled slightly. "Well, do you have a suggestion?"  
  
"Call it 'him,'" she said, turning to smile at Carter now.  
  
Carter laughed. "You think it's a boy?"  
  
She giggled angelically. Carter could fall for that a million times, if he already hadn't. "I know it's a boy. I know it sounds stupid, but I can feel it. It's intuition or something."  
  
Carter smiled at her. "I think it's a girl."  
  
"How would you know?" she fired with a smile. "It's in me! Not you," she giggled again.  
  
Carter looked at her eyes. How did they always manage to glitter in the dark like that? "I love that laugh."  
  
She smiled at him, as if she was calling him crazy with an identical tone in her voice. "What?"  
  
"I love your laugh. I meant to tell you before, but I-I didn't," he said blushing.  
  
Abby smiled. "Well, Cliché King, if you want, you can keep it. I've had it for a while, I think its time I shared it with someone else."  
  
They both laughed. "Romano saved you, you know. I was out there thanking him. He's a great guy."  
  
"Yeah, he is," Abby confirmed. "I thanked him a million times, too. I asked him to go and get you, but Susan got to you first."  
  
They sat in silence again, soaking up the moment. "I think I'm gonna like having this baby."  
  
Abby grinned at the ceiling. "Me, too. But I want it now. Nine months is too long to wait. I should file a complaint."  
  
"To who, the stork?"  
  
"Yeah, that's it."  
  
"Oh, okay."  
  
"Where did that legend come from anyway? Who was so scared to tell their kids about the actual thing? Who went to the length of birds?"  
  
Carter laughed. "I don't know."  
  
"Nine months. Nine months until we have a baby boy. We're having a son, so you can go and take him to Bulls games and stuff."  
  
"Or we're having a girl. We're having a daughter for you to take shopping and apply makeup at the age of four."  
  
They both sat in calm again.  
  
"Now I really cannot wait."  
  
"The stork is booked."  
  
"Poor stork."  
  
"Yeah, good luck with that complaint."  
  
  
--  
  
"The stork is booked." There's gotta be more than one.  
  
I've been slow with posting lately. The internet portable card thing in my laptop was bent to the point where'd you think it was beyond repair. (sounds familiar.)   
  
Can't wait for the ER premiere, almost two months away. :( Does anyone watch Will & Grace, and know why the premiere is on a Friday? I don't watch the show, I was just curious...  
  
"The Longer You Stay." :) Ha ha, Lubys! ;)  
  
Expect the next chapter soon, for all of my stories.  
  
-me 


	13. Good to Go

Carter slid his arms into the sleeves of his coat and anxiously searched for the keys. His rushed eyes scanned the apartment for them, until he saw them on the coffee table. He sighed and ran to them, snatching them from the surface and heading out the door.  
  
The hallway was instantly frigid. His feet were sore from yesterday, the constant shuffling from here to there. Abby was still in the hospital, and Carter had to work. He would visit her as soon as he got there, and whenever he got another chance. She should be able to come home today or tomorrow, and Carter was as excited as anything. He had only gotten to see her when Weaver saw him standing along outside a trauma or exam room, silently staring ahead. She had naturally felt sorry for him and sent him up there, usually taking his workload.  
  
He would rush up the stairs as fast as he could. As a doctor, he was forced to set a good example for the rest of the patients and visitors. However, when one person would ask where he was going so fast and he explained the circumstances, they would always smile at his care and praise him for it.   
  
He had made his way to the hospital entrance quickly, probably because of his Abby thoughts. Carter would have labeled any other person telling him about their relationship like this "pathetic". It seemed like mushy, disgusting liar love. Now he thanked God every night for what he had. It was almost surreal.   
  
There was a man on crutches approaching the building. "They kicked me out!"  
  
Carter went to the gentleman and asked why they had supposedly kicked him out.   
  
"Said I was 'good to go.'" Upon saying this, he held up his fingers to form quotation marks in the air.  
  
"Let me see your ankle." Carter stooped down to lift his pant leg to inspect his ankle. The man smacked one of the crutches against his back.  
  
"Ow!" Carter cried slightly falling over. "What are you doing?" He rubbed his back in pain.  
  
"What are you doing?" the man accused. "You touched my leg! You tried to take off my pants!"  
  
"I was looking at your ankle, sir," he said, still squinting with hurt. "I was going to see if I could help you further."  
  
"No you weren't," he said. "You wanted to rape me!" He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted into the crisp morning air. "Rapist! Rapist!"  
  
Carter took a hold of his hands. "Would you please be quiet, sir? I am not trying to rape you!"  
  
"What's going on, Carter?" Weaver suddenly said, appearing at the door.  
  
"This man is trying to rape me," the man said.  
  
"I was trying to get a look at his ankle."  
  
"Sid," Weaver said, "You are fine. Your ankle will heal. Come back tomorrow, and I'll check up on you myself. Clock in, Carter."  
  
Carter nodded, satisfied.  
  
"My name isn't Sid."  
  
"Yes, it is, sir."  
  
The doors glided open and noisily slid back together behind him. Thankfully, again, the ER seemed unexpectedly bare. There were few people sitting in the chairs, and respectively almost more people at the desk than in the chairs at all.   
  
He walked to the lounge and removed his coat as quickly as possible. With Weaver attending to this Sid character, that could possibly buy him some time to visit Abby without Weaver even noticing. He put his lab coat on and hung his stethoscope around his neck. He ran a finger down the back of his hair and pushed the door shut.  
  
He ran from the room to the pair of elevators, isolated from the rest of the room. He tapped the button, let the doors slide open, and walked inside. It carried all to slowly, until finally he arrived on the correct floor. He knew what room she was in, so he wasted no time at a desk. He was there in seconds and opened the door to see her reading a magazine, propped up against a few pillows.   
  
"Hey," he said. He walked over to the bed, and sat on the chair he had pulled up so many times. He scooted it closer to her as she responded with a "hey" cheerfully. He kissed her head as she looked on to the magazine in her hand.  
  
"I'm so bored, I can't wait to get out." She folded the magazine from cover to cover, but kept her page marked with her finger. "I'm out today, right?"  
  
"Romano says one more day."  
  
She sighed, settling the magazine on her lap again. "Are you serious?" He nodded in response. "Twenty-four hours a day in this bed except when you have to go to the bathroom and walk around the hallways sucks."  
  
"Wanna go for a walk with me?"  
  
She didn't hesitate. "Yes! Let's go for a walk." She started out of the bed.   
  
"Not now," he laughed. "I have to get back down there to work. I sneaked out on Weaver."  
  
"Daredevil you."  
  
"You bet," he said. He kissed her lips promptly and tucked the blankets around her waist. He rubbed her arm. "Be good. Take care of the baby."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I'll be back later."  
  
"When?"  
  
He scratched the back of his head. "Probably around noon or something." He approached the door. "Love you."  
  
"Love you."  
  
He closed the door and hit it slightly, twice, to let her know that he was still there before he walked away. It was a funny thing he had done, just to pat the door before he left. He knew she had heard it, and it was nice just to have that cute thing between them.  
  
Onto another day in the ER.  
  
--  
  
I think my chapters are getting shorter as we speak.  
  
I was thinking one day. (remarkable.) My sister asked me what the difference between a Democrat and a Republican was. I gave her the common abortion-death penalty thing. She, being 11 and wanting to be like me (of course) asked me which one I preferred. "Are you a democrat or a republican?"  
  
"I'm a Carby."  
  
She called me stupid then. (Actually, she called me a dumbass. I reluctantly held back from telling my dad.)  
  
Next chapter soon.  
  
-me 


	14. Safety Test

"How is she doing?"  
  
"Good," he said to Susan. "She hates it in there. Said she's bored to death."  
  
Susan chuckled. "That's Abby."  
  
They walked a little further. He would meet Abby in half an hour for her much-anticipated walk with him. He would have gone sooner, but the doctor was busy with her. He had an alternate plan, though, because he was afraid of it happening. Susan and he had walked to a different coffee shop, Doc Magoo's being ravaged. It was a nice place, but never the same as Doc's.  
  
"You know the entire staff is gonna know in a month, if they already don't." Susan looked at him, then back to her coffee.   
  
"Yeah," he said. He shrugged it off. "In a way we both knew it would turn into something serious. We've only been waiting for it to happen." He sipped his own coffee, then returned to his speaking after licking his lips. "We already talked about it and just decided to make it public. Not like hold our hands in the air and proclaim it, but just act like we do at home and stuff."  
  
Susan wiped a finger over her mouth to remove the coffee that had stuck to her upper lip. "Please don't act like you do at home." She laughed.  
  
"Ha ha," he said. "Just the whole holding hands thing and the kisses."  
  
"Ew, gross," she said sarcastically. She held her coffee to her lips before she spoke again. "In all seriousness, though, I'm very happy for you two."  
  
Carter looked at her thoughtfully. "Thanks. It's always nice to hear something like that."  
  
"Yeah," she answered. "Let's get back. Doctor should be finished with Abby."  
  
"Okay."  
  
They took their coffees outside, after paying the waitress. "Do you have like, a pet name for her or something?"  
  
Carter looked at her. Susan grinned, and shrugged. "What?"  
  
She shrugged again. "You know, are you one of those cheesy boyfriends who call their girlfriends 'Sugar,' or 'Cookie,' or 'Cupcake' or something?"  
  
Carter laughed. "Um, no. Not so much. I mean, I've called her, like, 'Sweetie,' and stuff. I don't mean to or anything. I just do."  
  
Susan said. "Just asking. You are so the mushy type."  
  
Carter stared at the puddles in the pavement. "Yeah, I never thought I would be, but I guess I kind of am. I've just never had a relationship like this."  
  
"Ick," Susan said jokingly. "Please stop before I wring your neck."  
  
"Okay, okay."   
  
"Wow," Susan said as they neared the entrance to the ER.  
  
"What?" he said, barely paying attention. You could say he was focusing more on his coffee than Susan.   
  
"There's like a million ambulances over there."  
  
"Aw, crap." Carter held his forehead. "I wanted to go and see Abby."  
  
Susan giggled. "It's the safety test. Get out of here."  
  
Carter playfully slapped her shoulder and left for the building. He took the same express route as always, as the morning and was there in a minute. She was eating her lunch, devouring the salad.   
  
"Slow down," he said. He kissed her again, as it was part of the pattern. "Up for that walk after lunch?"  
  
  
  
She put down her fork. "I suddenly have a new respect for patients. This is not that good."  
  
Carter laughed as she continued.  
  
She smiled sweetly. "Wanna go now?"  
  
"You done?"  
  
She pushed the tray away from her. "Yes," she said, nodding, her IV caught in the blanket. "Damn thing."  
  
Carter brought her out of the bed, and untangled her from the blanket mess.  
  
"Anything hanging out from behind?"  
  
Carter laughed as he glanced at the back of her gown. "Nope, you're covered. Literally."  
  
Abby smiled and wiggled her toes. "It feels so good to finally get up. Never knew I would miss walking around so much. I was going to the bathroom, and when I came back, I thought I would just sit in a chair. Stupid nurse came in and told me to 'go back to bed.'" She said this in a mock tone, like that of a witch or something. "Let's go."  
  
They left the room. "You know that you're a nurse, too."  
  
Abby smiled. "Yeah but I'm a good nurse. A nurse who knows what she's doing."  
  
"You could say that."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
He held her hand, bending his elbow to hold it a little higher. He looked down and watched their feet move rhythmically together. Him in work shoes, she in hospital slippers. He rubbed her hand thoughtfully and sighed at the moment.   
  
"What did the doctor want? Just to check up?"  
  
She breathed out. "Yep."  
  
They walked again, a little quicker as Abby adjusted to the feeling. Carter glanced upward. "I'm not working tomorrow, so I'll be by about eleven-thirty to get you ready and to pick you up, okay?"  
  
"Okay," she said.   
  
"If you want, I can come by earlier or something. But you really can't leave until noon."  
  
"That's okay. I'll probably just be visited by doctors and everything. Then I'll sleep until eleven-thirty and leave."  
  
"Sounds like a plan."  
  
"It's half of my day here."  
  
He laughed slightly. She squeezed his hand. "Thanks, John."  
  
  
"Why are you so giggly, Dr. Carter?" Pratt nagged.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Giggly," he said. "You're all giddy and crap. You've been all smiles all day. Spill."  
  
"Please," he said. "Get back to work."  
  
Pratt sighed in his usual way and left for work, an incoming ambulance.   
  
"I got this one, Carter." Weaver limped to position. "Stop daydreaming and get yourself to work."  
  
"What goes around comes around." Pratt laughed at his own joke, unlike many of the others staring at him. "What?"  
  
"I think it's cute, Carter." Haleh smiled. "It's like a book or something."   
  
The storybook thing. It was just like that.  
  
"What is?" someone asked.  
  
  
"His thing for Abby," Haleh said. "They're an icon."  
  
"Icon?" Jerry asked. "Really?"  
  
"We're not an 'icon,'" Carter laughed, emphasizing the word "icon."  
  
"Well, you're going out aren't you?" Haleh insinuated.   
  
He smiled, almost childlike. He found that he wasn't afraid to admit it. Not that he had been before. It's just that there never was a time to admit it. "Yes. Yes, we are."  
  
They all smiled at him dreamily.   
  
"Book love my ass," Pratt said. "We got patients coming in."  
  
"Not for me," Carter said. "I'm off. See you later."  
  
He left for the same place as he had been visiting for a few days now. He rushed to Abby's room, to find her sitting quietly. She was clothed again in her regular garb. She was looking out the window, holding a bag labeled "Patient's Belongings." Her back was to him as he opened the door and closed it again.  
  
"Hey, Abby." He hugged her with one arm and kissed her head. "Ready to leave?"  
  
She smiled. It was a fake, weak smile. "Yeah, let's go."  
  
Carter was suspicious of something. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing." She smiled again in the same way. Carter noticed something definitely wrong and different about her. He left it alone for the moment, remembering their trip home. He took her hand and led her to the door. They began their quiet journey home, where Carter had wanted to go with her for a while.   
  
Romano had informed him to keep her from doing anything work-related for a week before she went back to work. She wasn't bedridden, and that was a good thing. He still wanted to take her on walks through parks and stuff, so he looked forward to it. 


	15. Embrace

They were eating Chinese in front of the TV. She had said nearly nothing since they arrived back home. He sensed something was wrong, as he had before, and began.  
  
"Abby," he said. She turned insignificantly. "What is it?"  
  
"Nothing, John," she said. She turned back to her food.   
  
"There's something wrong, Abby," he said. "I can tell."  
  
"I don't want to talk about it, John." She left her tray on the table and walked to the bedroom.  
  
Carter dropped his own tray to the table, inches away from hers. He followed her to the room and saw her sitting on the floor. It was dark in the room, it being almost seven-thirty. Her face was in her hands, which were supported by elbows resting on her knees. He sat next to her, and put his arm around her, worried but not showing it as much as he could have. He hugged her, kissed her head and asked again. "Abby, what's going on?"  
  
She burst into tears, and Carter took her shoulders.  
  
"When I was married to Richard," she spoke at once, "I was pregnant."  
  
Carter paused and looked at her weeping figure, her face read with tears. He didn't know where she was going with it. Only a few ideas were spinning around in his head.  
  
"I was scared." She said. "I didn't want to have a baby that was like my mom."  
  
Carter was hit. He watched her break down again, but saved her with his embrace. "Oh, Abby, Abby."  
  
"I had an abortion."  
  
She cried harder and gripped Carter's arm around her. She cried until Carter did. He didn't want her to see, for her sake, so his sleeve wiped his tears away. Then he didn't know what to do.  
  
He took her closer. "Abby, shh, I'm here." She only cried harder. Carter felt like crying, too, but didn't know if he could in front of her.   
  
"John," she said through heavy tears. "I killed a baby. I killed my baby girl."  
  
Carter's heart stopped for an instant. "Oh, Abby. Oh, my God, Abby. Please don't cry."  
  
"I killed my baby girl," she said over and over again. "I killed my baby girl. I killed it on purpose. Because I was scared of it being like my mother."  
  
Carter searched his head for the right words. When he found them, he hadn't known if it was difficult or easy. "Would you have loved it if it were like your mother?"  
  
Abby looked up at him, her eyes swollen from weeping. She nodded and came closer to him. "Yes. My baby girl, John."  
  
"God's giving you a chance to start over," he said, hoping for reassurance. She sobbed the tiniest bit lighter into his shirt. He rubbed her back and continued. "You're gonna be a great mother."  
  
"I killed my baby girl," she said.  
  
"And there's nothing you can do to change that," he said. "But you can start over in a different way, okay?"  
  
Abby nodded. "Thank you," she whispered. They waited a long time before either of them talked again.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me before?" Carter was still stroking her back. He hated more than anything to see her cry. It ripped him up on the inside.  
  
"I thought you would be mad," she said. Her crying was finally letting up. "I'm a murderer."  
  
"Don't say that," Carter said, looking into her eyes. "Don't ever say that."  
  
"I killed her - "  
  
"You made a mistake, people make mistakes, Abby."  
  
"Do they kill their children? John?" she cried harder. Her voice was raspy from a likely sore throat. "Do they?"  
  
"It was a mistake," was all he could say. "I love you so much. Don't hate yourself."  
  
"I don't know why I did it," she said. "If it was a baby, shouldn't I love it anyway?"  
  
He paused, looking down at her bent head. "Maybe you were scared about something else."  
  
She sniffed. "Like what?"  
  
"You and Richard. Your situation. Your status at the time," he patted her back. "Were you two suited to be parents then? Think about it."  
  
"Probably not," she said, easing the slightest. She shook her head abruptly and suddenly, though and pulled away from him. "No, John! It doesn't matter! I killed her!"  
  
"Abby," he said loudly, rushing over to her. He pulled her screaming and shaking form to his side. She stopped yelling Amanda cried into his chest. "Abby," he shushed again. "You're a wonderful person. You're more than anyone I've ever known. I love you."  
  
She wrapped her arms around his waist. She gripped onto him, holding tighter than ever before.  
  
  
"I love you," he said slowly.  
  
She shook against him and whimpered a few smaller cries.   
  
"Please," he said. "Always remember that."  
  
Abby nodded and together they cried. Against the wall in the dark, they sat, crying it out. Carter wasn't shy of his tears around Abby. He had lived a life like hers. He still did in a way. They held each other, as if their lives depended on one another. One in the night in the furthest capture of their home. They fell asleep soon after, still holding one another and still crying themselves together.  
  
--  
  
Short. I know. But I wrote this before I left for the hospital, and I didn't have a lot of time. (I just wanted to get this conversation in there somewhere.) School starts this Thursday, so chances are I won't have a lot of time during the day to post. I volunteer at the hospital *a lot* so I'm constantly on call for the doctors, particularly ER and pediatrics.   
  
Starting my first day of high school on Thursday... wish me luck! ;)  
  
-me 


	16. Every Time

He was proud to say that their relationship was stronger. Since the day that she had cried out the news of the abortion, Carter and Abby were more able, more firm. It was Abby's first day back to County, and he hadn't read if she was tense or just regular Abby at the hospital again.   
  
"You nervous?" He heaved his coat onto his shoulders, keeping his eyes on the small brunette in front of him, searching for something around the room.   
  
"No," she said. "Why would I be nervous? Its work."  
  
He shrugged. She was right. Maybe the real question was if she was scared about revealing their relationship to the entire hospital.   
  
"What about us?"  
  
She looked at him and smiled. Thank God, Carter thought, Abby's back.  
  
"Why would I be afraid of us?" She grabbed his arm, near the shoulder, and squeezed it. Her nose wrinkled up as she did so. "I love us." She laughed. "Where's my purse?"  
  
Carter laughed, relaxed, and pointed behind the chair. "Right there."  
  
"Who put it there?" she asked, walking towards the chair to retrieve it.   
  
"You," he said.  
  
"Oh," she said sarcastically. "Ready." She looked at him and took his hand. She bent forward to open the door.  
  
They left the apartment and walked together down the stairs. These days, there were so many couples who didn't even hold hands, kiss, or even hug. He never took these moments for granted, and he was guessing she thought the same way.   
  
"They already know, don't they," she said, looking down at the polluted asphalt of the Chicago streets. She looked at him, in the way that Carter treasured. She smiled a small grin. "I know someone knows."  
  
He sighed and looked outward, staring at a small shop ahead. He couldn't read the sign. He didn't know what it was, so he just looked at it. "A few people," he said. He smiled at her. "They heard you were pregnant."  
  
"Who?" She said, grinning.  
  
"Susan, for sure. She's known for a while-"  
  
"How did she know?"  
  
"Saw us making out in quarantine." He laughed.  
  
She laughed, too. "You're kidding!"  
  
"Nope," he said. "Said she saw us."  
  
"But how is that possible?" Abby implied. "There were no doctors there."  
  
"I don't know," Carter said. "She saw us."   
  
Abby shrugged. "Who else knows?"  
  
"Haleh, all the people at the desk-"  
  
"Great," she said, giggling. "Translation: now everyone."  
  
Carter tilted his head, gesturing his own shrug. "And then there's Malik."  
  
"Malik?" she said. Carter nodded. "How did he know?"  
  
"He was over there when desk found out."  
  
Abby laughed. "Big mouths in that hospital."  
  
"It doesn't matter," Carter said. "We're gonna walk in there holding hands, kiss in the lounge and everyone will know. If anyone asks, we'll tell them the truth like its no big deal."  
  
"Except for me," Abby said. "'Cause now I'm dating the top doctor, so I get to be famous. Yay."  
  
He pulled her closer to kiss the top of her head. "And I get to date the cute nurse. Yay."  
  
Abby put her arm around his waist. "Can we just walk in like this?"  
  
Carter nodded. "Let's."  
  
Abby nodded surely and smiled as they finally reached the door to the ER. The doors opened at their approach. Hand in hand, her arm taking his waist to her body, they walked into the room. It was theirs as they walked in full of pride. They didn't expect people to gasp, so they talked quietly to themselves. He put his arm around her shoulder and they both smiled again at each other.  
  
They entered the lounge where Weaver was just arriving. "Morning, Dr. Carter. Morning, Abby."  
  
"Good morning," they proclaimed simultaneously.   
  
Weaver looked at the two of them, who had returned to their sweet whispering. She walked out and Malik and Susan set foot into the lounge.  
  
Abby and Carter barely noticed, soaking themselves into each other with a kiss. Carter concentrated on her lower lip, tasting it gently. Abby giggled and pecked his neck preciously.   
  
"Gross," Malik said sarcastically.  
  
"Wash your hands when you're done, will you?" Susan said derisively. She smiled. "Just kidding. You guys are cute."  
  
"Thanks," Carter said playfully. He locked his hold on Abby next to him.   
  
"Yeah," Malik said. "Cute like nasty."  
  
"Thanks," Abby said. She kissed Carter quickly, but it was there. She went to her locker, holding his hand until it was too far away. At that moment, they would part and Abby would turn back and smile at him. Every time. Every time they would let go at that part, Abby turned back to smile at him. It was, you could say, the part he stuck around to watch for.  
  
"And congratulations on the baby," Susan said.  
  
"Thank you, Susan," Carter said. He went to his locker and rubbed Abby's back. Abby turned around and thanked Susan as well. Susan, satisfied, looked at Malik.  
  
"You are so rude."  
  
"What? I wasn't paying attention. Oh yeah, congrats."  
  
Abby laughed. "Thanks, Malik."  
  
"I didn't wanna be rude or nothing-"  
  
"Its okay, Malik. We didn't expect anyone to know, really." Carter placed his coat on the hook inside.  
  
"You didn't expect it, Carter?" Susan raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Well," Abby said, rescuing Carter. "He means, we didn't expect anyone to really say anything kind of know."  
  
Susan set a look of realization upon her face, mainly her eyes. "Oh. Got ya."  
  
"Weaver's pissed," Pratt said, suddenly entering the room. "Let's go. Congrats on the kid, you two."  
  
Abby's jaw dropped. Carter thanked him. When it was just the two of them left, Carter turned to her. "You were right. News gets around here fast."  
  
She smiled. She stood tall to kiss him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Lunch?"  
  
Carter nodded, smiling as he agreed. "Here at noon."  
  
"See you later, John." She smiled and walked out the door.  
  
He was excited. This was the woman who he was going to have a child with, the woman who he was going to be sure to love for the rest of his life. He wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. And now he was sure. 


	17. Thanks to Abby

"Where's Abby?" Carter asked. "I was supposed to meet her for lunch in the lounge."  
  
"How should I know?" someone commented. He ignored their words and continued.  
  
"Do you know where she is?"  
  
"Yes," Frank said. "She went upstairs to see about the baby. A check up."  
  
Carter nodded. "Oh, okay." He started his way to the elevator leading upstairs, but Haleh called for him.  
  
"Dr. Carter!"   
  
He walked back to the desk with a smile. "Yeah?"  
  
"Sit tight for a second," she said. "We wanna hear about you two."  
  
"You're kidding, right?" Carter laughed. "Because that's pathetic."  
  
"Shut up," Chuny said playfully. "Come on, spill. Is it love?"  
  
Even Frank turned around to hear this. "If you must know, yes I love her. She loves me."  
  
The woman all set adoring looks on their faces. Frank shrugged it off with a phony critique.  
  
"Are you gonna ask her to marry you?"  
  
Carter wasn't sure who asked him. At that moment, Abby came around the corner. "Hey, John." She kissed him. "Ready for lunch?"  
  
Sure, he was ready for lunch. "Yeah, let's go." That's about all he was ready for.  
  
  
They sat side by side, as always. Their hands were held together, on top of the table. He hoped that whatever he was feeling wasn't seen by Abby. He loved her, of course, more than life itself. But he didn't know if he was ready for anything else. He thought he was ready for a baby. Of course he was ready for a baby. He was prepared. Or was he? He used to take drugs. He used to be unstable. What kind of a father would he be if he fell back into his old habits? He trusted Abby, and he knew that she wouldn't start drinking again. But he was scared. He felt like crying. And while part of him told him to suck it up and be a man, the other one told him it was okay to cry out to Abby. No matter what, he knew she would understand. It was Abby. For him, she knew everything.   
  
"Something wrong?" she asked, smiling.  
  
"No," he said. "Well, kind of. Maybe, yeah."  
  
She put down her fork that she was using. She lifted his face with her hand. "You can tell me, you know." He bowed his head. She looked at him seriously. "John, what's going on?"  
  
He looked around the restaurant, full of people. It was noon, so everyone was either on his or her break from work or spending time with the kids they never get to see. Or maybe they were negotiating something, like a business deal. If they shook hands, they wouldn't notice John Carter with his Abby Lockhart, and the baby that would bring them into a family.  
  
"I think I feel sick," he said. "I'm gonna take the rest of the day off."  
  
"What's going on?" She swiftly smoothed down his hair, making him collapse inside. He didn't want to show it, however. "John, seriously. What's going on?"  
  
"Abby," he said, "I really need some time off. I-I just need to get home. I'll talk to you tonight, okay?"  
  
"John-"  
  
"Abby," he stammered. "Please don't be upset." He kissed her forehead and saw that her eyes were frightened.   
  
"You're scaring me when you talk like this," she said. "Please, stop."  
  
He nodded, bit his lip and rubbed her shoulder. "Do you want me to walk you back to the ER? I will, never mind, I will."  
  
"John," she said, interrupting him. "John, I love you."  
  
"Don't say that, Abby, nothing's changed between us." She looked confused and fearful at once. He nodded, took her hand again and brought her to her feet. "Come on, we're going to be late."  
  
"Okay," she mumbled. She let him help her out of the booth. Hand in hand, they walked back to the ER. He held her against him, kissing her head a dozen times. He felt like it was the last day of his life. He didn't want to let anything get in the way of him being with her. If anything were to happen though, it would happen to him. He didn't know why he was thinking these thoughts. Maybe he was scared of more than he thought he was.  
  
  
"John?"  
  
Abby's tremulous voice rang through the apartment. Carter's sweat-soaked body shifted in the mess of sheets, plastered to his body with the heat of the evening sun. It was just setting over the slight skyline view of his window. He felt nauseous as he turned to face the door, then slowly closed his eyes.  
  
"Abby," he said. Why did he sound so weak?  
  
"Oh, my God, John," she stormed in, rushing to his bedside to feel his forehead. "You have a fever."  
  
"I know," he said. "I want to throw up. Can you get me some of that stuff over the sink?"  
  
"Medicine?"  
  
"That's it." The profession he had dedicated his life to, and he hadn't remembered the name of the pills he kept up above the counter. What in the hell was wrong with him? Was he worrying Abby? He had to get himself together.  
  
She came back with the bottle and struggled to get it open. She started into a small fit of tears, the bottle becoming impossible to her.  
  
"Abby," he said. "Abby, don't cry. It's okay, come here."   
  
She crawled up and onto the bed, crying it out. He hugged her as close as he could. The room was humid, as the fan in the corner wheezed on, but he didn't care. He couldn't feel anything really except for Abby's warm tears touching his bare chest. His hands caressed her back sweetly. He buried his face, mainly his mouth, into the stressed mess of hair on top of her head and took in the moment. As if he hadn't done that enough.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked her.  
  
"You tell me," Abby cried. "I was worried the entire day. I didn't know what you were gonna tell me. What's going on, John? Please tell me."  
  
"Okay," he said, tears forming in his eyes. He sat up and she sat next to him. He breathed out slowly, but not noticeably as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I can't be the father that you want me to."  
  
Abby looked at him. "What?"  
  
Carter started to cry. "I can't be a good father. I used to be on drugs and all of that. I don't want to fall back into it and ruin a kid's life because his dad's a drug addict."  
  
"John," she cried on, "then don't be that dad."  
  
"I'm scared, Abby," he said, "and I don't want to be."  
  
"I'm scared, too," she said, "but it's okay to be scared in either of our cases. Think about it John. I think it's okay this time to be scared." She hugged him; this time it was she who had the grip on them both. She had the strong hold on them now, and Carter wanted to lie in her arms forever if he could. "You're gonna be a great dad, John. I know." She cried into his shoulder, kissed it and fell asleep against it. He stayed awake the entire night, holding her to his side and excitedly awaiting his first child. Thanks to Abby. 


	18. Do You Feel It?

"How far along, Abby?" Chuny asked. Within the last few months, the entire ER had an increasing interest in Carter and Abby. Not just the two of them, but the baby that they were going to have.   
  
They had cancelled all of their cruise plans "until further notice." They were still having as much fun as before. It was different now because they had pretty much every problem-starting feeling sorted out. Both of them were on the same level as the other, and both of them were okay with everything that had upset them before.   
  
She smiled, looking down at her slight bump under the scrub top. She rubbed it happily and looked back up at Chuny. "About four months now."  
  
Chuny smiled. "That's what I figured."  
  
Carter appeared at her side. He patted her stomach and kissed her nose. "Hey, Abby. Hey Baby."  
  
She smiled up at him. "Hey."  
  
"Would you look at them, Haleh?" Chuny said aloud, causing Carter and Abby to turn towards them.   
  
"Carter," Haleh said, "just look at how giddy you are. You excited?"  
  
"Of course," he said. "We both are."  
  
They hugged each other tightly to the others smiling. The desk began their whispering about anything worth it. The ER was all about it anyway to the desk. They were on their way past the desk when Abby froze in her spot. Carter looked at her, concerned, and spoke, "What is it, Abby?"  
  
"Oh, my God, John," she said, her head down.  
  
"Abby, stop it," he said. "What is it?"  
  
She looked up with a cute smile. She tried to keep her anxious feeling inside. "The baby," she laughed. "It's kicking! Feel it!"  
  
Carter almost stopped breathing. He watched her face as she excitedly took his hand and placed it on her stomach. She moved it around thoughtfully until she came to a halt.  
  
Carter felt a small thump against her stomach. She looked up at him and smiled. "Do you feel it?"  
  
"Yes," Carter said, mezmorized. "I feel it, Abs. Oh, my God, Abby. The baby! The baby's kicking!"  
  
"I know!" she giggled. "Oh, my God, can you believe this?"  
  
"Wow," he said. They stood there next to the counter, laughing and grinning for a minute or two before everyone else began to notice.   
  
"What's going on?" Jerry asked.  
  
"The baby's kicking!" Carter said. "Look! My baby's in there!"  
  
The nurses at the desk started to coo as they came around and crowded around Abby. They were all giggling as Abby guided them to a certain spot, where they would wait for an instant before they all began to shout out in excitement. Pretty soon, Dr. Weaver and Susan had come over also to see what the commotion was about.   
  
Carter continued to shout out about Abby and the baby, while the crew around them smiled at him. Abby looked up in the midst of it all and locked eyes with Carter. The doctors and some of the nurses were calling him "Dad," causing him to smile beyond control.  
  
Slowly, the crowd began to separate as Abby explained that they had to catch lunch quickly before their visit with Dr. Coburn. Abby turned to wave at the desk, Carter still searching her stomach for the kicking.  
  
"Do you feel it?" Carter asked excitedly.  
  
"Yes, I feel it," she said happily.   
  
She smiled as he kissed the top of her head. He put his arm around her waist as they walked away, out of the ER. Sporadically, he would put his hand back on her stomach, hoping to feel the strength of his child again. Their child. Their baby.  
  
"I can't believe we're having a baby," he said.   
  
"I know," she said.  
  
"It feels so," he started then froze. He looked at her and saw the smile, shining up at him. She tilted her head, witnessing his sudden silence.  
  
"What?" she asked, a slight laughter stuck. "What is it?"  
  
He shrugged and sighed. "Marry me." 


	19. A Minute More, Maybe Longer

"I can't believe we're having a baby," he said.   
  
"I know," she said.  
  
"It feels so," he started then froze. He looked at her and saw the smile, shining up at him. She tilted her head, witnessing his sudden silence.  
  
"What?" she asked, a slight laughter stuck. "What is it?"  
  
He shrugged and sighed. "Marry me."   
  
--  
  
She looked up at him. He couldn't control the smile that had taken form upon his face. He waited for her to reply, but all she seemed to do was breathe at the moment.  
  
"What?" she finally asked, as if she didn't get what he was saying. She did. She stepped toward the door again, but Carter reached for her wrist, not having to move himself.  
  
She stared at him again, her face twisted into confusion.  
  
"What are you thinking?"  
  
She didn't know how to respond to this. He could see her mind thinking an abundance of thoughts as her eyes searched his and darted from left to right. She began knotting two hands together, until Carter took a hold of them.  
  
"Come on," he said kindly. "Tell me what you're thinking. Just say it."  
  
She sighed and looked up at him, her eyes slightly pinched. "Well, for one," she began, "I never wanted to end up like this."  
  
He was stunned. "What?"  
  
"Having a baby before I was married, and then pushed into a marriage because of it," she said. She looked away, not daring to meet eyes with his. She backed away from him, then continued out the door. She kept her head hung as she followed out through the ambulance bay.  
  
He watched her for a while, until he became aware of his feet. He picked them up and led himself to her. There was a breeze outside, smoothly riding up against his face. The sunlight was perfect, the Chicago score was beautiful. He wondered how things could be so unbelievably quintessential in some places, and in others completely disfigured.  
  
"Wait," he said, shouting out to her. "Abby," he said, taking her arm. She pulled around to see him. Her eyes were the same closed figures, waiting to hear an explanation for nothing. What had he done?  
  
"John," she said.  
  
"Wait," he said, "I don't want to marry you because of this baby."  
  
She didn't move. Her eyes fell, though, but came as quickly back to his face as they had dropped away.  
  
"I want to marry you," he said, "because I love you. Because I feel so differently about you, more than anyone I've ever knew. We're perfect."  
  
"Why doesn't it have anything to do with the baby?"  
  
He crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know what you're asking, Abby. All I know is that I love you, and I love this baby. I want to marry you because I want to be with you forever, and I want to have this family with you. Because I love you."  
  
She started again, but he interrupted her.  
  
"Not because I have to."  
  
She shrugged and looked down again. A frown clearly written across her face stayed with her, and she turned her head to the left. "Are we ready?"  
  
He grabbed her shoulders. She came closer to him, and fell against his chest. He loved being so close to her. She stood next to him and closed her eyes.  
  
"I don't know if I am," she said. "I'm sorry - "  
  
"Don't be," he whispered. "When you're ready, we'll be ready."  
  
He kissed her head. "I love you."  
  
She stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He kissed her softly on the top of her head again, and then a third time. He rocked her slowly back and forth. Oblivious to the rest of the world, they danced that way for a minute longer. Maybe more.  
  
--  
  
Short, sorry. I usually like to hit things off on Chapter 20s, so that's where my longer ones come in.  
  
I just want to commend all of you. There's been such a huge, and ugly, wave of Carsan fic lately and frankly its making me want to puke. You've all been working hard to get rid of it, with your stories. I think we're winning. ;)  
  
-me  
  
p.s. - same with the Luby crap. Get out, get out! 


	20. Sudden Sensation

"Are we ready?" she asked.  
  
He grabbed her shoulders. She came closer to him, and fell against his chest. He loved being so close to her. She stood next to him and closed her eyes.  
  
"I don't know if I am," she said. "I'm sorry - "  
  
"Don't be," he whispered. "When you're ready, we'll be ready."  
  
--  
  
His eyes fluttered open slowly, blinking at the light pouring through the curtains above. He felt a soft sensation on his left hand; Abby's hand. She traced it gently with her fingers. It was how he had waken up everyday for the longest time. Since they'd started going out, really.  
  
The pale rays were sliding across the comforter, over his body and hers. But he wouldn't move his head. A flood of events came rushing back from the day before. The traumas, the patients, the rants from hospital staff.  
  
Then the week before. The day he "proposed" to Abby. He realized what she meant now. He'd realized, but didn't want to admit it in a way. He didn't want her to think that it was a chore to him. He did want to marry her. Not to wear a ring, but to know that they'd be together forever. That was the only reason.   
  
But he knew Abby. He knew what she felt, and he knew how she dealt with everything. He didn't want to upset her. It was the very last thing on his mind, in his heart.   
  
Sheepishly, he would confess to himself that he loved her all too much. So sheepish, he thought. Sometimes he just imagined when he was holding her, that he would just hug her even tighter than he thought possible. That he would just wrap his arms around her and never let her go.   
  
It was silly, he thought. And if not silly, then something leaning toward either embarrassingly adorable or like nothing he'd ever felt before. Chances are it was all three. And they were new feelings. The way that they grasped him the way they did was amazing.  
  
They weren't new, though. The day he'd felt this way about her, he knew. He knew that he wanted to do all of the wonderful embracing together, the talks all night and the stares that they had already shared. He knew that God had given him something. He was so incredibly lucky, he thought it either a miracle, or unbelievable. Then again, maybe it was both.  
  
Then there was the day that he knew. He knew that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. And that had been a week ago.  
  
There was a baby, there was Abby, and there was he. And, the three of them would be a family. He awaited the arrival of their child eagerly. He wondered if it were a boy. Or maybe a girl. He thought it was a girl. He felt something say that it was.  
  
Something appealing about having a baby girl. He knew that there was that special relationship between mothers and daughters, but there was that kind of hidden spark between a dad and his little girl. The times when she was so frustrated with her mother. Just the term "Daddy's girl," which he knew she would refuse come teenage years, but he would always keep.  
  
But, what about a baby boy? A baby boy. There was always the cliché approach, where he took him to sports events and rooted for Chicago. But how realistic was that? He was a doctor, and hadn't been very into the sports routine. Maybe that was something he could get the kid involved in.   
  
Could you imagine? he thought to no one in particular. On his day off he would bring baby boy Carter into the ER to wait for Abby's shift to end. Or vice versa. And he would sit him on the counter as the nurses cooed at his amazing little child that he had held by his waist, assuring that he stayed on the counter and out of danger.  
  
Either one. He would be happy. He couldn't believe that it was actually happening to him, though.  
  
His thoughts turned back to Abby. He wanted to take things as slow as she wanted, and he wanted to make her happy. How had he ever ended up so devoted to her? It was amazing. It was beautiful.  
  
And the most wonderful thing about it all was the constant thoughts. The thoughts of her that ran through his head in a wonderful sentimental charge were with him all day. He would sit in the cafeteria when she wasn't there with him, and stare straight ahead, thinking about the two of them together one day. He would smile.  
  
Then, of course, the admit desk would pile into the chairs next to him and tease him. Guessing and explaining their takes on the couple's relationship. He would just shake his head and sip his coffee. All they could get out of him was a blush and an, "I love her."  
  
Then they would all give there "awws" and gossip usually, slightly excluding him from the conversation. He really didn't care. For one thing, he wasn't always on the gossiping side of the ER, and he didn't want to be there then. This is when he felt the worst. But the best.  
  
He would toss the Styrofoam cup into the trash and rush to a phone. He would dial their number at Abby's, and chat with her until he had officially gone five minutes over his break time. He'd tell her he loved her twice, smiled at her equally-giddy response, and place the phone back on its hook.  
  
With another cheerful feeling, he'd shuffle back to the desk and prepare himself for more ER. More traumas, more patients, more rants from the staff. He'd found himself in collective thoughts all his own, though, and when he went back to work, continued to remain in his web.  
  
He'd work hard, sure, because he loved what he did. But she was always on the brain with him. It was a wonder he was able to work at all.   
  
If not a challenging trauma, or another big brawl in the ER, his last chart was the biggest thrill. He would gather his things in the lounge, and come out fully dressed with the chart. Tossing it to the desk casually, he would give another goodbye and head home for the day.  
  
Anticipation swirled around him as he made his way back to their abode. He felt like a child, sometimes catching himself smiling on the L. He would shake his head, and then people would probably stare at him. But he never seemed to notice.  
  
Then he'd walk through the hallway, until he finally reached her. She'd be sitting on the couch, or in the shower. They'd smile, share a kiss, and settle down on the couch. All night with milkshakes.  
  
The tickling sensation crawled back to him. He looked down at her with a smile and kissed her head. She tilted her head, though, and brought his lips to hers. He kissed her back, but with surprise.  
  
She stared at him and sighed. He just looked back at her happily, every other thought finding its way back.  
  
She looked at him and swallowed.   
  
"I'm ready." 


	21. Just a Thought

Here's a change for the "Here With Her" story. Its a thought chapter, really. Still from Carter's POV. But its gonna be short. Remember, these are thoughts...  
  
--  
  
Almost perfect.  
  
Could life ever become perfect? Could anything ever achieve that level?  
  
If so, this was it.  
  
Silence.  
  
It was the magic between them. The factor that created them.   
  
Born within it, at all.  
  
Beside him. The woman beside him who lay asleep. Her sweet locks of brown hair gracing her face, her cheeks and her eyelids. Eyes shut cautiously, but happily. Gently.  
  
Alive.   
  
It was the way she made him feel. The way they were. The way they were meant to be.   
  
Together.  
  
What they were. What they really were. Nothing had made sense to them, so they shared their confusion together.  
  
A hand came to his face. It was his own, to rub his eyes. He turned to her again.  
  
Breathing.  
  
Her song. Her beautiful poetry, the threads that kept him together. Of the tapestry they'd woven together.   
  
Beautiful. That's what she was. That's what they were together. Beautiful, alive and almost perfect.  
  
One. Not two, but one. His heart, his soul, his other half.  
  
Never divided: they were always as one.  
  
Willing. Willing to do so much.  
  
He would give it to her. Everything.  
  
Forever. It's what he would give her.  
  
Love. It's they were there for.  
  
Time. It's what they had.   
  
The sun was coming through the window quietly and creeping across the bed. It swam into the mess of blankets with a whisper and slowly across his face. He smiled in the early morning and looked over to her.  
  
Quiet.   
  
  
Tender.  
  
  
Lovely.  
  
And what a thing love was.  
  
More sun. More light, and more feeling to match. Love. Love.  
  
Her whisper. "Good morning."  
  
His whisper - his reply.   
  
Smiles. The smiles they shared now.   
  
Embrace. The embrace they held to now. The arms of the other wrapped steadily around one. Their lips meeting once before closing eyes again, still locked away in an embrace.  
  
Love. Again. To which he spoke.  
  
"I love you." 


	22. Make Me Happy

More of that lovey-dovey fuzz. Only now, they're engaged. Yay.  
  
--  
  
He wrapped her small hand in his and kissed it tenderly. She smiled at the touch and leaned into his shoulder.  
  
"You make me happy," he said, kissing her head once, twice, then a third time.  
  
She smiled, heavenly, and placed a hand on the back of his neck. "You make me happy."  
  
She pulled him down into her reach, and kissed his cheek. They continued walking to the entrance and finally came through the doors.  
  
They were greeted with the usual bound of people. Running through for no apparent reason, the clanging behind the desk, and the customers grumbling to themselves.  
  
"Doc Magoo's," Abby said. She smiled. "Something about this place."  
  
"No matter how much the food sucks - "  
  
" - how high the prices..."  
  
"We come back every time," he laughed. He rubbed her shoulder and gestured for her to sit on one side of the booth. She sat down, and greeted a waitress with another smile.  
  
"'Morning," the waitress said.  
  
"Good morning," Carter and Abby replied together.  
  
The waitress, Tina by ID, looked at them while she chewed her gum, but blinked and went on, "Can I get you something?"  
  
"Uh," Abby stalled, "I'll have coffee and a slice of apple pie."  
  
"How about you?"  
  
"Same," Carter said confidently. "Coffee and pie."  
  
"Yeah," Tina said, "I got that. Two coffees, two slices of pie. Got it." She nodded to them and turned away, heading back to the counter.  
  
Abby shrugged and smiled. She pushed a thin strand of hair away from her eyes. "So," she said.  
  
"So." He smiled thinly and kept, "We're getting married."  
  
"I guess so," she said with a bashful laugh.  
  
"Nervous?"  
  
"Of course," she laughed again. "But I want it." She smiled seriously. "Really."  
  
He took her hand in it and squeezed it affectionately. She giggled in response and gripped his back. He hung his head back and smiled at the ceiling. He had everything.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" she whispered roughly.  
  
"You," he whispered back, huskily. "You." He traced a gentle hand up and down her arm.  
  
"Oh," she said, blushing. "Thank you."  
  
He chuckled, and watched her fumble peacefully with her hand within his.  
  
--  
  
"Abby, Abby, Abby," Chuny said, dancing around the desk, and coming closer to her.  
  
"Chuny," Abby said, not taking her eyes from the charts in front of her.   
  
"How are you and Carter?" she said, in almost a sing-song voice.   
  
"Oh, God," Abby replied, with a short laugh. "What?"  
  
"You never tell us anything!" Haleh whined. "And Chuny has to know, so she can tell the rest of the staff."  
  
"Hey," Chuny said, comically punching Haleh in the arm.   
  
"You guys don't wanna know about me and Carter," she said, turning to see the hopeful faces of the assortment of nurses and doctors at the desk.  
  
"Yeah we do," Drs. Lewis and Corday said in unison.  
  
She shook her head. "Nothing much to say - "  
  
"Come on," Chuny said. "Please?"  
  
Abby opened her mouth, but stopped herself. She sighed and smiled, looking toward the ground. "Um," she said, "Well..." She sighed harder and shrugged. "I've never been happier."  
  
"Aw, girl!" Chuny said. "Really?"  
  
She nodded, a large smile spread across her face. "He, um... He makes me a different person," she said, laughing at herself. "He makes me smile, he makes me laugh. He loves me. And, I... I love him."  
  
The desk "ooh-ed" and "aww-ed" at her comments, then settled to a kind coo. She smiled bashfully and turned to floor. They came around her and started comments about how lucky she was. Then they stopped and talked of something else.  
  
She looked up and saw that Carter was standing behind her. She bit her lip and bent her head. The rest of the desk stared at the two. She looked back up at him.  
  
"Hey, Sweetie," Carter said and bent to kiss her on her lips, then her nose. She smiled and pulled herself to his chest in a strong hug. She hugged him as if she wouldn't ever let go. She was so happy, she had that feeling. The feeling that you had when you could laugh, and you couldn't contain it.  
  
"I have something for you," he whispered, pulling her away from his body for a second. She looked at his eyes quizically. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box.  
  
She put a hand over her mouth, then a thumb betweem her teeth. Biting on it nervously, her eyes darted from the box to his eyes.  
  
"Now," he said, still whispering, "I've already asked you to marry me. So," he opened the box to reveal a sparkling gem inside. "I guess the question is: do you still want to marry me? Are you still ready?"  
  
She smiled and felt tears in her eyes. She scrambled to wipe them away, but Carter stopped her with gentle hands.  
  
She nodded slowly. "Yes," she said, tears apparent. "I'm ready, I'll marry you."   
  
He smiled back, almost goofily, and slipped the ring on her finger. She immediately hooked her arms around his neck and kissed him lovingly. He kissed her back.   
  
"Oh, my God," Chuny said. "You guys are getting married? Carter just proposed to Abby!"  
  
Carter chuckled as Abby buried her face in his neck. He rested his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. Soon, a crowd gathered around them, but when he was asked questions, he simply shooed them away with a nod of his head. Eyes still closed, he swayed back and forth with Abby. Right there in the middle of everything.  
  
Abby came up to kiss his collarbone, near his shoulder, then went back to her original position. He kissed her head and stayed like that. Hoping nothing would ever break the moment.  
  
--  
  
I guess its best if I say that you will never know whether something did "break the moment." Whether a sudden multiple MVA, or an angry Dr. Weaver found a warpath tore them apart. And if none of that happened, they would have had to depart sooner or later. This way, the last you see of them is holding each other until tomorrrow, when the next chapter comes. That's a lot of togetherness.  
  
-me 


	23. Nearly Midnight

Gooooooing to the chapel and we're.... guuuuuuh-naaaa get maaaaaried. (did you get that song?)  
  
Not yet.  
  
--  
  
"John."  
  
He turned over in the bed to see her face, propped up on her hand against the pillow, with a smile.  
  
"Hi," he said. He glanced at the clock over her shoulder, reached up to kiss her nose, then turned around again while saying, "You are aware that its almost midnight, right?"  
  
She giggled and pulled his arm to make him to turn around to see her again. She smiled and nodded. "Yep." She ran her fingers through his hair gently, as he lay back on his pillow and enjoyed her hand's presence.  
  
"Okay," he said dreamily, eyes closed. "Then good night."  
  
She giggled again. "Wait," she said sweetly. With his eyes still shut, he felt her press a small, but tempting kiss on his lips. He kissed her back, smiled, and attempted to fall asleep again. Her fingers were still combing his hair lovingly.  
  
"Come on," she whined. "Let's talk."  
  
"About what?" he asked, with a hint of a chuckle. "I have a shift in - "  
  
"Ten hours," she laughed. "We can talk for a while."  
  
"Okay, okay," he gave in. He took her wrist from his head and kissed it tenderly before laying it back down on the pillow. "Shoot."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Shoot," he said. "Tell me what's on your mind."  
  
She smiled. "A baby. A wedding."  
  
"Hey," he said sarcastically. "On my mind, too. Nice to have this talk with you. 'Night."  
  
"You're boring," she said, moving closer to him and curling up to his chest. He gratefully wrapped his arms around her. His eyes were still closed.  
  
He kissed the back of her head, which was close to his face anyway. He hugged her tightly and buried his face in her hair.   
  
"When should we do it?" she asked, her face lying on his arm. She strengthened her grip as well on his embrace as she spoke.  
  
"When do you think?"  
  
"Well," she said, "either before or after the baby's born."  
  
"When would there be another time?" he asked with a laugh, then sarcastically added, "*During* the birth?"  
  
She laughed quietly. "I mean, do you think it would be better to do it before or after the baby's born?"  
  
He shrugged and sighed. "Before."  
  
"Really?" she asked, speaking in a different tone. "Because if it were after, the baby would be there. The baby would get to be part of it. He'd be a part of our family, you know?"  
  
"Well," he said, "this way, we get to do it as soon as possible." He smiled at the next part. "The baby's already part of our family, Abby."  
  
She turned toward his face. "What?"  
  
He finally opened his eyes and looked into hers. "The baby. She's already part of the family."  
  
She smiled, one of the happiest grins they'd ever shared. Seeing this, Carter's face was a mirror to hers and she hugged him yet again.  
  
"I love you," she said.  
  
He kissed the top of her head. "Love you. I wanna marry you."  
  
"Hmm," she said, happily. "Let's do it, then."  
  
"I thought we already established the fact that we were going to."  
  
She giggled. "I meant, let's do it soon. Before the baby arrives."  
  
He smiled, and realized how happy he was again. She had an amazing affect on him. "What, you mean like tomorrow?"  
  
"No," she said.   
  
"So," he said with a chuckle, "no romantic ER wedding for us?"  
  
"God, no," she said with an identical laugh. "Please, God, no."  
  
He laughed and drove a finger gingerly up and down her arm. He wrapped one of his legs around hers at the bottom of the bed and sneaked one more kiss to the top of her head.  
  
"Let's do it on Saturday," he said.  
  
She shifted, and said, "Why Saturday?"  
  
"Because its supposed to be nice out?" he said funnily. "And we both have the day off."  
  
"I don't," she said. "I took Sunday off instead."  
  
"No, you didn't," he said. "Chuny got the schedules passed out today when you weren't there. You're off on Saturday." He nodded and added, cockily, "As am I."  
  
"Ha," she said. "Didn't know that. Thanks for telling me now though."  
  
"Well," he said, "its Chuny's fault."  
  
She nodded. "Okay."   
  
He put his arms around her shoulders, took her hands, and held them higher to look at them. For no reason, really. "What should we name her?"  
  
"You mean him?"  
  
"What should we name the baby?" He smiled.  
  
She shrugged against his chest. "I don't have any ideas so far. We're so far behind."  
  
"We have five months," he said, reasonably. "I think its going to be a girl. Let's start with girls' names."  
  
She sighed. "I'm too tired."  
  
"Oh, really?" he asked. "Sorry to interrupt your sleep, then. 'Night, again." He kissed her cheek and settled against the pillow.  
  
A few silent minutes and she spoke again.  
  
"I think its a boy," she said. "And we're far enough to find out. Do you want to know?"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
She shook her head. "Not really."  
  
"Then we can wait." He grinned at the thought of having a baby in his arms to hold. "We're having a baby."  
  
"Yeah," she said. "I didn't think it would every be this great." 


	24. Always Amazing

Again.  
  
--  
  
"John?" she asked, coming through the door.   
  
He waited quietly behind it, before he closed it cautiously and tied his arms around her. She flinched at the surprise, but smile and sighed with a head against his shoulder as she realized who it was. He kissed the top of her head exactly five times fast and hugged her tighter.  
  
"I'm surprised we're still working here," she said, turning around in his hold to answer his caressing. She put her arms around his neck and smiled upward.  
  
"How's the baby?" he asked with a chuckle.  
  
"Good, I guess," she said, looking down to her stomach. She glanced back up to his face. "He's hungry, though."  
  
"She's hungry?"  
  
"He's hungry."   
  
He grinned happily and shook his head. "I think this one's a girl."  
  
She shook her head just the same. "It's a boy. And he's very hungry."  
  
He kissed her nose, and said, "Let's go get something to eat."  
  
"I thought you would never catch on - "  
  
"Busy?"   
  
They turned around, still held together, to see Haleh in the doorway with a raised pair of eyebrows.  
  
"We're gonna take our break, Haleh," Carter said with a smile, taking Abby to his side. She looked down, biting her lip, then back up to the figure in the entrance.  
  
"Okay then," Haleh said, with the same attitude as her arrival had brought. "Stay clear of Weaver on your way out."  
  
"Why?"   
  
"Fresh batch of med students," she said with a nod.  
  
"Ah," Carter answered, taking Abby's hand into his gently. "Victims."  
  
Haleh rolled her eyes and stepped outside of the room.  
  
Carter looked to Abby, who shrugged with a smile. He put an around her shoulders and led her out of the door.  
  
--  
  
"That's a lot of pie," Carter joked, pointing a finger to her plate.  
  
"Well," Abby said, her eyes on the dish in front of her, "I've got two mouths to feed."  
  
"You've got one," he said with a laugh. "Whatever you eat, she's gonna eat again."  
  
She stuck a forkful of the pie into her mouth silently. "You're a man. You don't know."  
  
He shrugged with a grin. "Maybe so."  
  
They ate their meals in tranquil quiet for a minute. Abby put her fork down on the napkin next to the plate and took her soda to her lips. She stopped before she could take a drink and cleared her throat.  
  
He looked up at her, mouthful of pie, and mumbled a "What?"  
  
She twisted her hands anxiously on the table. "Maggie's coming."  
  
He kept his head in the same position: tilted to the left, chewing his treat lightly. He set the fork down and gathered his napkin to dab the sides of his mouth. "Oh."  
  
Her voice became more nervous. "She wants to see you, she wants to see the baby."  
  
"So, she's not coming for a while?"  
  
"No," she said. "She said she wants to see me now. Me with the baby."  
  
He nodded. "Okay."  
  
"You're okay with this?" she asked immediately.  
  
He shrugged, picking up his fork again. "Why not?"  
  
"I-I don't know."  
  
"Has she been taking her meds lately?"  
  
"She said so," Abby explained. "She said she's been doing fine."  
  
He nodded. "Okay, then there's nothing to worry about."  
  
"Really?" she asked with a smile. "You don't mind?"  
  
He laughed softly to himself. "Why would I? She's gonna be my mother-in-law soon."  
  
She sighed in relief. "I knew you would understand. God, thank you so much, John."  
  
He smiled and reached across the table to grip her hand, which had been released from its lock. She smiled back and looked back to her food.  
  
--  
  
"Do you know when she's coming?" Carter asked from the bedroom. He pulled a shirt over his head heavily and tossed his shoulders around to comprehend the cool cloth.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Maggie," he said, swiping a hand down his tired face. "When's she coming?"  
  
"Um," she said, "I think in a month or two."  
  
"Oh," he said. "You had me thinking it was like next week or something."  
  
She entered the room in a t-shirt and shorts and fell onto the bed. "Nope."  
  
"Well," he said, with a slightly building laugh, "isn't a month or two kind of a big range?"  
  
"She didn't know when she could get time off of work," Abby said pulling the blankets down from the bed. "God, I hope she's doing okay."  
  
He slid into the bed next to her and moved closer to her. He stroked her head gently with his warm hand and ran it over her forehead. "Don't worry about anything. You need sleep."  
  
She smiled and turned toward him. "I need sleep?"  
  
"We stay up too much," he said with a grin.   
  
She nodded against the pillow. "True."  
  
He yawned and felt her hand find his under the blanket. "Tomorrow night, can we order pizza?"  
  
She laughed aloud. "I don't care."  
  
"Good," he said. "'Cause it sounds good right now."  
  
She smiled and glided nearer to him. She kissed his forehead and whispered, "Good night."  
  
He watched as she smiled one last time for the night and closed her eyes. Her body was warm against his. It was her that he loved. It was beautiful.  
  
He snapped out of the adoring state he'd fallen into again and breathed out quietly. In the dark, he put a hand over her small waist and brought her closer to him. Still amazing.  
  
Always amazing. 


	25. To See Her Again

"What if she wants to come to the wedding?" Abby said anxiously over the blur of a hair dryer.  
  
He appeared in the doorway of the bathroom and stood against the frame. She turned the device off and sighed as she set it down on the counter. She put a hand over her face.   
  
"I can't believe I'm doing this."  
  
He moved closer to her. She turned around and put her arms around him gratefully. He hugged her back and set his chin on her shoulder, watching them sway in the mirror. He smiled to himself, at the reflection, and closed his eyes.  
  
"You're doing fine," he said with a gentle tone.  
  
"Do you even remember her?" she asked, gripping his shoulders as she pulled away for a second. She shook her head and buried her face in his shoulder again. "Don't answer that. The whole ER remembers her."  
  
He sighed into her shirt. "Easy does it."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Just ease into it," he said. "Take it one step at a time. I can help you."  
  
"Mm-hmm," she mumbled into his neck. She strengthened her hug and then pulled away. With a small smile, she added, "Thank you."  
  
--  
  
Long shift. All he wanted to do was see Abby now. He wanted to fall asleep on the couch with her as they had the night before. He smiled at the memory and firmly pushed the door open.  
  
A bluish glow was flooded across Abby who was lying on the couch. A blanket lazily laid on top of her legs, she had one side of her face propped up on her hand.  
  
"Hey," she said, not moving anything but her face. She smiled. "How was work, honey?" she said sarcastically.  
  
"Nice play on words," he said.  
  
She shrugged.  
  
"Long and boring though," he said. "You left at just the right time."  
  
"Did I?"  
  
He nodded as he hung his coat around the chair in the kitchen. He walked over to her and threw himself down next to her. Spreading the blanket evenly around her body and tucking it around her, he said, "One trauma in those four hours, and other than that our worse case was a snake bite."  
  
"Snake bite?" she said, wincing, then silently thanking him for his blanket routine.  
  
He nodded in reply to her thanks and said, "Yeah. Snake bite."  
  
"Sounds worse than you're giving it credit for," she said, turning to the television.  
  
"Small snake," he said with a sigh. "About five inches long."  
  
"Oh," she said with a laugh. "You had me thinking it was something big."  
  
"Cobra?"  
  
"Well, smaller than that."  
  
He nodded with a smile. "What are we watching?"  
  
She grinned. "Survivor."  
  
"Oh, God."  
  
"No, come on. Just try and watch it. I'll show you around."  
  
"The ropes?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
He nodded. "Go."  
  
She laughed as she began, "That's Terrence."  
  
"Terrence?"  
  
"Terrence."  
  
"Okay... who is he yelling at?"  
  
"Ugh," Abby said. "Sarah. She's bitching about the food they eat."  
  
"If she's on the show, shouldn't she just cope with it?"  
  
"Yeah," Abby said with a smile and a shrug. "That's the reason we don't want people like her to win. I'm suprised she made it his far."  
  
Carter nodded again. "Who's that?"  
  
"Hermes."  
  
"Hermes?" Carter asked loudly, in the midst of laughter. "Poor guy."  
  
Abby laughed too, sputtering her explanation to this character. "All he does is talk about his girlfriend. I hope they just vote him off, too."  
  
He sighed, again. Long night, he repeated to himself.  
  
"You eat yet?"  
  
"Nope," she said, her eyes still fixed on the screen, but not too intently. "I was waiting for you."  
  
He grinned. "Want to order some pizza?"  
  
"Yeah," she said, turning to him. "We need to get two. I'm really hungry."  
  
He laughed, and slowly eased himself down onto her feet. He rested his head on them for a second and softly closed his eyes.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Shh," he said. "I'll do it in a minute."  
  
With his eyes closed, all he felt was her hand play smoothly with his hair, then run down the back of his neck. He breathed silently, and cherished this one moment right then.  
  
--  
  
Sorry it was so short, again.  
  
Someone mentioned something about a "happy ending" with this fic, I think.  
  
;) I'm tricky. Figure me out:  
  
One - I love happy endings.  
  
Two - I'm one hundred percent Carby.  
  
Three - Tears are good, sometimes, I think.  
  
and Four - This is a drama. Its based on a drama series. Therefore, that gives me the power to kill, sadden, and enforce depression.  
  
Enjoy.  
  
-me 


	26. Maggie Situation

"Please don't kill, sadden, or enforce depression!"  
  
Who said that? Speak up! You made me laugh. :)  
  
  
--  
  
  
"That's the pizza guy," Carter said from the couch, as the run of the faucet whispered from the bathroom in the hallway.  
  
"The money's on the table," Abby called.  
  
He picked himself up and wiggled his toes from the comfort of clean, white socks. He picked the two bills up from the surface in the dining area and made his way to the door.  
  
There was another knock before he could answer, this more urgent.  
  
Puzzled, but not showing it, he opened the door.   
  
His view met that of Maggie's, coated from head to toe in winter wear. Her hair was flipped out from under a knitted hat. A large bag hung from her left hand, and a small, petite purse was in grasp of her right.  
  
"Dr. Carter!" she exclaimed. "How are you?" She let her bags fall carefully to the ground in the hallway and came toward him. She pulled him into an immediate hug and patted him on the back, all the while chattering about her finally coming to see the two of them.  
  
Carter, seeing that she was getting along better than the last time he'd seen her, smiled at her wellbeing and rubbed her back with a welcoming, gentle hand. "I'm fine. You look better."  
  
"Thank you," she said with a tight smile. "I just hope Abby doesn't get so... well, you know. You know how she is."  
  
He nodded, smiling as well. Still cautious, new to another Maggie situation, he motioned her to the couch. She jumped a little, happily and walked to the couch. "Where's my daughter?"  
  
"Taking a quick shower," he said with a slow nod. He sat down in the chair opposite, leaving the last vacant spot for Abby to sit being next to her mother.  
  
Maggie smiled, "Okay." She looked around her apartment. "How far along is she? She didn't tell me, Dr. Carter. How far along is she?"  
  
"Five months," he said with a suddenly proud smile. "And you can call me John, you know."  
  
"Oh," she said. "Five months?"  
  
He nodded again.   
  
"Is the baby healthy?"  
  
"Yeah," he answered. He loved that fatherly role he got to take now and then. It made him feel differently than usual. But it was a good different. "Perfect."  
  
Maggie stirred slightly in her cushion. "Is it a boy or a girl?"  
  
"We wanted to wait until it was born," Carter replied. "Its more of a surprise that way."  
  
She nodded, still amazed and engaged in this conversation. "I can't believe I'm going to be a grandmother," she said, her voice somewhat above a whisper.  
  
"Hey, that's right," he said. "Congratulations."  
  
"No!" she corrected him. "Congratulations to you! You get to be a daddy!" She reached across the room and slapped his knee. "How does it feel?"  
  
He chuckled a little. "Great, actually."  
  
"Oh," she cooed in return. "That's so wonderful."  
  
He nodded again.  
  
"You know," she said, her voice dropping barely and her face falling into a fit frown, "Abby's been through a lot."  
  
Carter had a feeling that he knew where this would end up. What she was saying.  
  
"She had an abortion with Richard," she said.   
  
Carter nodded slowly, his head bowed toward the ground.  
  
"It says a lot," she began, "that's she's happy having this baby with you."  
  
He looked up at her.  
  
"It means that she's more than happy with you," she said. "So I have to say thank you. I'd like to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"For making my little girl happy," she said shaking her head. "It's never been easy, barely possible, for me to do that for her." She cleared her throat. "Tell me you love her. That you're there for her."  
  
He nodded sincerely. "I-I love her," he said. "I'll always be there - "  
  
"Thank you," Maggie said, as Abby came out of the bathroom.  
  
"Mom?" she said, her voice stale. She was wrapped in her plain pajamas - a sweatshirt and flannel pants. Her hair was pulled up into a sloppy, but cute ponytail.  
  
"Abby," her mother said, nearly mystified by the site of her daughter that she had obviously longed to see. "Oh, Abby, honey."  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Came to see you!" she said, "I told you I was coming!"  
  
"Not so soon," Abby answered, stealing a look Carter's way.   
  
"God! Look at you!" she said, placing her hands on Abby's stomach. Abby stared at her mother, but Maggie's view was intently focused on the Abby's stomach. She bit her lip as she looked toward her mother's hands resting there. "Does it kick yet?"  
  
"Mom, have you been taking your meds?"  
  
"I remember you used to kick like crazy," she said. "Eric never did much. Ever. You were such a feisty one, Abby. Yes, you were - "  
  
"Mom," she said, taking her hands gently.  
  
"Maggie," Carter said rising from a more content position in the chair. "Listen to us for a second," he continued looking at Abby's worried face.  
  
"Of course I'm taking my meds," she said reasonably, still fascinated with the hold she had as of now. "Take a look in my purse! I made sure they were all filled before I came here, so I wouldn't run out."  
  
"They're not supposed to give you any more unless the bottles are empty," Abby corrected her, worriedly. "Did you take extra to get a refill or something? Mom!"  
  
"Abby," she said quietly, "I told my doctor that I was coming to see you, and she emptied it for me. She even wrote you a note, I told her you wouldn't believe me. Its in there as well."  
  
"That's not illegal?" Carter asked, his eyebrows arched.  
  
"They talked about it, I guess, and said it would be fine," she said. "I did it for you, Abby. I knew that you would be worried or disappointed - "  
  
"Worried, Mom," Abby said. "I was worried."  
  
Maggie looked up. "Please trust me, Abby, I'm your mother."  
  
Abby began to nod slowly, "Fine - "  
  
"Oh!" Maggie shouted. "Look! It kicked! John, look!"  
  
John smiled at Abby and came over to her to join Maggie in her triumph. While Maggie was still amazed, he reached up and kissed Abby sweetly on her lips, still pouting a little.  
  
"I think its going to be okay this time," he whispered as Maggie kept up her talking to the baby. Abby looked up at him. Her face was something between a frown and something of confusion.   
  
She sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this," she started, "but I think you're right about her."  
  
"Me, too," he said as Abby reached up to kiss him, longing for him to hold her again.  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
There's another chapter for "Here With Her." I have three central fics. I had to bring back Maggie in of 'em!  
  
~me 


	27. TurmoilAngst

More Maggie. [Ah, wonderful.]  
  
  
  
--  
  
  
  
"Is she sleeping?" Abby asked under the dim light of the nightstand's lamp. She turned under the thick comforter in attempt to get a better view of him.  
  
Carter nodded with a smile. "On the pullout."  
  
"She didn't mind?"  
  
"She insisted."  
  
"Huh."  
  
"She's tired, she's come a long way."  
  
"I know."  
  
He walked over to the dresser next to the mirror. He wearily removed his shirt and pants and fetched a more leisurely pair of pants, and an equally casual Northwestern sweatshirt.  
  
Abby sighed and threw the covers off of her legs. She stood up and walked over to him, watching him pull the shirt down over his head. She stared at his face, until he turned to smile at her. After that, she watched him in the mirror.  
  
"I hope she's serious this time," Abby said, glaring at her feet.  
  
He didn't know how to answer her. He couldn't assure her, could he? She would only argue that he had never been in the situation that she had gone through so much. She had every right to, she would completely true.  
  
"She sounds like she cares about you," he said. "She loves you, and I think she knows this is what you want."  
  
Abby watched Carter intently.   
  
"I think she's trying," he said.   
  
He took each of her hands and pulled them up between them. He shook them with a smile. "Let's just take it one step at a time for now, okay? One day at a time."  
  
"Yeah," she said weakly. Then she swallowed and kissed his cheek. With a slightly more confident smile, she said, "Yeah."  
  
Carter grinned and waved toward the bed, starting toward it. She curled her hand behind her ears and settled into its comfort once again. She reached up to relieve the room of the lamp's light. As soon as it grew dark, Abby sighed once more and cuddled up to Carter's outstretched arm. They lie together, embracing the other for an instant and waiting for the other to talk; secretly, neither one of them really wanted to go to bed.  
  
"She seems excited about the baby," Abby whispered at once. She reached up tenderly, taking her fingers through the soft wisps of hair right above his neck.   
  
He smiled at her touch. "She did."  
  
Abby, still playing with his hair, rested her face into his chest and the pillow. Upon this, Carter's chin fell to a comfortable position atop her head. He smiled and closed his eyes.  
  
"She was wearing all of that heavy winter stuff," Abby said.   
  
"Yeah," Carter said with a light chuckle.  
  
"Why would she do that? Its eighty degrees in Chicago now," she reminded him.  
  
"She said it was cold in Minneapolis."  
  
Abby nodded against his body. She dug in further, and probably assuming he didn't know, inhaled his scent. Whatever it was. He loved being so close to her like this. In all her turmoil and all of her angst. Or in all of her happiness and that part of her that she only revealed to him: her real self. She was different with him than she'd ever been with someone else, and the same went for him. They were both softer and stronger together. It was remarkable, and most evident.  
  
In the next ten minutes, two "I love you's," were shared and Abby drifted off to her sweet slumber. He had begun to flutter away as well, when a knock broke the silence.  
  
"Come in," he whispered, slowly lifting himself, but being careful not to tear the two of them apart.  
  
She stalked over to the bed, lurking among shadows and stripes of illumination from streetlights. Carter wiped his eyes with a dry hand and stifled a young yawn.  
  
"Could I talk to you?" she asked.  
  
"Now?" he laughed quietly, looking down at Abby to make sure she was still asleep. He ran his hand over her hair adoringly and bent down to kiss her.  
  
"She's so lucky to have you," Maggie whispered. "I wish she would trust me."  
  
Remnants of the night's earlier conversation flowed back toward his half-conscious mind.   
  
"I wish she wouldn't hate me," she said, staring at her daughter. "Just look at how pretty she is." She bit her lip, still watching her daughter.   
  
Carter watched as Maggie spoke. He knew he felt sorry for the both of them... "She doesn't hate you." He continued to brush one hand over her mass of hair. "She just gets scared."  
  
"Does she tell you that?"  
  
"No," Carter said. "But I know her. I know her inside and out." He smiled tiredly.   
  
"You do?" she asked, immediately followed by, "Do you love her. I mean, really love her? I know I asked you before, but I don't want her to be sad again. Not like before - "  
  
"Maggie," he said gently. She stopped in her anxious speech and listened. "I love her. I really do." He started to speak, finding himself with so much to say. "I don't want to make her sad. My life is dedicated to making her happy - "  
  
"That's what I thought," Maggie said, sighing. "Thank you, God, thank you so much." She swept over and hugged him quickly before nervously treading toward the door. "Good night."  
  
He nodded again and slid back down to lying on the bed, Abby in his arms.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered.  
  
He looked down at her in surprise.  
  
"I love you," she said. 


	28. Comfort in the Dark

Another chapter of this, two more for SDL and I'll start TQ up again...  
  
Did you catch all of that? ;)  
  
--  
  
  
The blankets barely lifted from his legs, but he was already slightly awakened nonetheless. His eyes were sore at the corners, probably from keeping his eyes open so late into the night. He couldn't fall asleep the previous night, and he wasn't sure why. After his talk with Maggie, when Abby has spoken to him, the two of them lingered there in the dark together. Neither said a word; if anything was needed to be shared, it would wait.   
  
The only light in the room was streaming in from the hallway outside. Most likely from the bathroom. Abby was supposed to be starting a shift at seven. He opened his eyes a little wider to question the non-existent sunlight; there should be sun at seven, he thought.  
  
One look outside indicated that it wasn't a possibility outside. It was dark, darker than usual. Clouds had gathered over the radiant city's facade, giving its picture a dirty definition. The few people on the streets outside of their apartment had been shadowed in umbrellas. Ironically, the majority of these were black. As if a painting right out of an old town, or a funeral. Or something equally dark.  
  
Abby walked into the room quietly, her eyebrows creased. "Did I wake you up?"  
  
"Nope," he answered with a smile, coincidentally yawning. "You leaving pretty soon?"  
  
"In a rush to get me out?" she asked with a dry smile.  
  
" 'Course not," he grinned. "Its raining outside."  
  
"You're kidding."  
  
"Here I thought you were a little on the off lately," he said, "but I like sarcastic, smiling Abby *much* better."  
  
She chuckled quietly and walked over to the bed. He stood up and met her halfway and hugged her. he knew it wasn't something she expected, and to his surprise she hugged him back wholeheartedly. They pulled back, bodies still pressed together to smile once more.  
  
"I need to get to work," she whispered.  
  
"Can I walk you?"  
  
She smiled and moved her eyes to the left, then back his way. "You aren't ready."  
  
"Pants and a coat," he said, "and no one will notice."  
  
"Yuck," she said with a grin, "but okay."  
  
  
  
--  
  
  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"John's going to walk me to work," Abby said. "You going to be okay?"  
  
She nodded and slowly fell back to the mattress, pulling the covers closer to her. Raising her eyebrows in exhaustion, she asked, "Do you mind if I sleep a little while longer? I'm really tired."  
  
"No, no," Abby and Carter said together. "Go ahead," Abby continued. "Are you coming right back?" she asked Carter.  
  
"Yeah," he said, sensing the feeling in Abby's voice. "I'll be right back."  
  
"You hear that?"  
  
"Yep," Maggie answered, closing her eyes. "See you later."  
  
"Bye," the two of them said.  
  
"I love you," Maggie said, looking at Abby.  
  
Abby looked back and only nodded. Carter watched as she began to curl her hair behind her ears, as she always did when she was nervous.  
  
-  
  
They exited the apartment, hands clasped together. Their usual sardonic, cutting comments fluttered here and there, as their banter always carried. Although neither one would ever admit it, they both loved it. The nothings they tossed back daily, as they had done for almost three years now. From the beginning of their friendship to now, its the way it had always been.  
  
They came to the double doors and stood there, watching as they opened somewhat abruptly to allow someone out, and another in. They watched as the amount of people standing there disseminated until finally they were the only two.  
  
The thunder rolled above them, but there was still not lightning. She looked up to him and smiled. He smiled back as she reached up to kiss him.  
  
"Thank you," she said, somehow cockily.   
  
"You're welcome," he replied. He put his hand on the back of her hair and pulled her closer. "Love you," he said into a kiss.  
  
She laughed. "I'll see you at noon for lunch?"  
  
"Its a date."  
  
  
  
  
--  
  
  
  
  
"Hey, those are good," he said, glancing over Maggie's shoulder to where she deeply focused on work. There was an assortment of drawings, mostly of women in purple and red garments. She looked up, down, then back up again.  
  
"What?" she said, sounding startled. "You think so?"  
  
"Yeah, they're excellent," he assured her again. "You have a knack for it. Abby said something about you being an artist."  
  
"She said I was an artist?"  
  
"She said you were pretty damn good," he said, still surveying the drawings. "No lie."  
  
"Thank you," she said modestly. "I love to draw."  
  
"I can see."  
  
Maggie swallowed and picked up another pencil. "Abby didn't answer me when she left this morning."  
  
"She's just a little tired," he said.  
  
"That's not it," she argued gently. "Why won't she just forgive me?"  
  
"She'll come around," he said, "trust me."  
  
  
--  
  
Short chapter, I know. Sooory.   
  
Guess what I'm listening to. "Hanging by a Moment." Now also my dad's favorite song. lol  
  
amanda 


	29. Letting Her Cry

"Milk, eggs, bread, cheese - the usual?"  
  
"I can go out and get groceries, you know," Carter said, taking into consideration her present condition.   
  
She pointed downward to her stomach. "He's not stopping me from doing anything."  
  
He winked and sat back down on the couch. "If you insist."  
  
"I do," she smiled as she went for the keys. "I'm taking the Jeep."  
  
"Oh good God," Carter joked.  
  
"Ha," she said. "I'll be back in an hour, give or take."  
  
"'Kay," he called over the newspaper. "Love you."  
  
She made her kissing noise as she left the apartment.  
  
Someone so kind to him in every way. He wondered why she had to be so plagued by such a dark past. He knew sometimes she still cried at night. She would cuddle up against him, when she figured he was sleeping, and weep against his arm.   
  
He would wrap his arms around her sometimes and just hold her. She would stop crying then. Only a few times had they actually talked about when she'd done it. Cried herself to sleep. She told him that her life was wonderful, and that she loved him so much, but she was still worried.  
  
And every time she thanked him for letting her cry.   
  
Every conversation of the sort would end with a hug. And a kiss, sometimes another. He loved her so much. He had everything he wanted when he held her. It was amazing. Sometimes he just wanted to stay in that position forever, no matter where they were.  
  
It was odd. Their feelings for the other were still apparent, even at work. Their eyes still met across a trauma. He always called on her when he needed help. And, yes, they'd had their moments in the suture room, or in the lounge. He didn't mind if someone caught him in the respect that he loved her so much. However, the only reason he wished no one walked in was, well, they'd kill their mood.  
  
Every day had been beautiful, whether it was them fighting or embracing. Words were spoken, sometimes shouted, and at the end of it all, hands were still held. She was more complex than anyone he had ever met, and he still knew her better than anyone he'd ever met. He knew every twisted corner, every capture of her soul, and every blinding pain in her heart.   
  
She knew him equally well. She told him what he was feeling without speaking a single word. He felt like a person around her, like it was meaningful to live. After everything they had both been through, their future together was still the most important thing in their minds.  
  
In the world of chaos, why had they, in spite of their travels through self-loathing and angst, had they been chosen to be together? They were perfect for each other. They'd lived the same life without realizing. Everything had been so understood, and he didn't know why he was so lucky.  
  
Maybe it was just the way things had happened to work out. He knew in his heart that that wasn't true. Fate played that large part, but everything worked in there some other way.   
  
He was loved by the only woman on earth that he wanted to love him.  
  
Maggie had made her way into the living room and turned on the television. Maybe one day, her and her daughter would work things out. He wanted it to happen so bad. Couldn't they? He had no idea what their relationship was like. No idea. He knew it was rocky, it wasn't a smooth path. But she loved her, and Abby loved her mother.  
  
It would happen one day. Everything had a weird way of working out, he guessed. 


	30. The Best of Flames

Carter stretched his hand under the covers and grasped hers. He wasn't sure if she was awake or sleeping.  
  
"You awake?"  
  
"Yeah," he whispered, turning toward her. He let go of her hand and arched his body over hers. She murmured a smiling reply and sighed. He bent forward to kiss her neck. His lips barely touched her skin. Each kiss was filled with fire, as they always were.  
  
Of the best flames.  
  
"Mmm," she sighed. She outstretched her arms into the air and brought them back down around his body, hugging him closely. She smiled and kissed his cheek, bringing him back to her face.  
  
"Morning," he said.  
  
"Its," she began, looking over to the clock at her side, "five thirty in the morning."  
  
He shrugged, working his way back down to her neck. "I couldn't sleep."  
  
"Me either," she said, eyes closed as she fell back into familiar realms. His kisses followed up from her collarbone to her jawbone, from her jawbone to the corners of her eyes. She kissed him wherever she could. Still mesmerized by his fix, she gently pushed him to her side.  
  
"Tired of me?"  
  
She shook her head and brought her lips to his, slowly dancing on his.   
  
  
  
--  
  
  
  
He loved how her hand fit in his. They walked everywhere hand in hand. It was how they managed to stay so connected when they weren't making out in the lounge, or staying home together each night. At work things obviously had to be different.  
  
Every now and then, his glance shifted to their pair of hands. Sometimes, they watched the two of them together. It was odd; the simplest thing was the most attractive thing to the pair.  
  
So they made their way into the lounge, still holding hands. Carter, ahead of her, pushed the door open softly and led her inside. She giggled slightly as they pulled the door shut. He immediately brung her to the couch.   
  
They sat and began to kiss. Short kisses. But refined kisses. Neither made noise as they did so. They broke apart rarely, and when they did, they only smiled with closed eyes. Each kiss was carefully, slowly concentrated on lips and nothing else.  
  
  
  
--  
  
  
  
"Give me your hand," he said quietly.  
  
She smiled obliged. He took it and kissed it.  
  
"That's all."  
  
She giggled and cuddled up against his coat. He wrapped his arms around her, as he chuckled and sighed.  
  
They looked out upon the constant flow of the river from their standing next to the rail. The night had long fallen above them, every star shining in their honor. The world had been good to them lately. Too good.  
  
"I love you," he said in a quiet voice. He nuzzled his nose deep into her neck and kissed her. She murmured inaudible words into his skin and pulled away for a second. He looked at her.  
  
"I love you, too," she laughed, starting back toward his lips.  
  
His grin came widely and he hugged her again, swaying back and forth as they kissed again.  
  
  
  
--  
  
  
  
Carter lowered his head onto her stomach and pressed his ear to it.  
  
"You can talk to him," she said, running her fingers through his hair, "but you aren't going to hear her talk back."  
  
Carter laughed lightly against her. "I'm not trying to hear anything."  
  
She just smiled in response and continued to play with his hair. She sighed and placed a warm hand on his neck.  
  
He loved when he sat like this. It was nearly ten. He wanted to talk to the baby, with Abby's hand on his face. He had done this so many times before. He told his little baby about everything. About his job, Chicago, how much he loved Abby.  
  
"Hey Babe," he began, like always.  
  
  
  
--  
  
  
  
"And that's supposed to be..."  
  
"A bear," Carter laughed. "Don't you see it?"  
  
"No," she laughed. "What's your thumb doing up there?"  
  
"Hmm," he said, adjusting his fingers. "I don't know. An ear?"  
  
Shadow puppets were always fun. It was only what they did when they were bored to death and the baby wouldn't kick.  
  
"No," Abby giggled, swatting at his hand. "How about this?" She clasped her hands together and put them up against the light.   
  
"Don't tell me that's your attempt for a bear."  
  
"Its a deer."  
  
"What?" he asked with a laugh. "That's not a deer. I didn't even know there was a position for a deer."  
  
"There isn't," she reasoned matter-of-factly. "I made it up."  
  
"Ha," he said climbing over to her to kiss her again.  
  
  
  
--  
  
  
  
"Now we really have to get to bed," he said. "Its eleven-thirty."  
  
"Yeah, okay," she said, kissing him on the nose.  
  
"Love you," he said turning the lamp off in the corner.  
  
"Mmm," she mumbled. "Love you."  
  
  
  
--  
  
  
How's fuzz workin' lately? 


	31. What You Want

"Let's get some pizza," Abby said firmly, plopping onto the couch in one move.  
  
Carter shook his head in the midst of the newspaper. "We've had pizza for the last four days. Wouldn't you rather have anything else?"  
  
"Lasagna?"  
  
Carter laughed as Maggie sat up across from the two. They both looked over at her as she started talking excitedly again.  
  
"When I was pregnant with Abby," she pointed out from behind her magazine, "all I wanted was Italian food."  
  
"I thought you said you ate burgers and fries everyday," Abby said stubbornly.   
  
"No, that was with Eric," Maggie laughed. "You - all you wanted was Italian food. It was an expensive time for me."  
  
Carter laughed, "I can imagine." Abby shot him a look when Maggie returned to her reading. Carter looked over at Abby, tilting his head sympathetically. "How about some pizza?"  
  
Abby sighed and stood up. "I'm going to bed."  
  
"It's seven o'clock, Abby," Maggie said cheerfully. "Come on, let's sit out here for a while. Let's talk. It'll be fun."  
  
Abby brought a phony smile and yawn and said, "No, I'm really tired."  
  
Carter sat back into the couch as she walked to their room. Maggie frowned and threw her magazine onto the table leisurely. They sighed, a second apart, and Carter watched her cross her arms over her chest.  
  
"You have to help me, John," she said. "I'm only trying to be her mother now." Her voice was quiet and sad. His frown deepened as she rubbed fingers over tired knuckles.  
  
"You-you're not doing anything wrong," he whispered, further back into the couch. He was sitting in the corner now. His arm was draped cautiously over the arm of the couch, grasping the end of it in the middle of his heavy eyes' blinking. "She just doesn't know what to do. Given the past and everything."  
  
"You've told me that four times."  
  
"It's true, though," he suggested, raising his eyes a bit. "And she's pregnant. Everything's drama for a little while." He tried to bring a laugh to this, but failed. Instead, he changed his glance to that of the floor and breathed out, his throat suddenly raspier than usual. He swallowed and with a husky whisper he said, "I'm going to talk to her."  
  
She nodded, her frail frown shifting to another phony smile. Just like Abby's. "Okay."  
  
He nodded, too, and brought himself to his feet.  
  
  
--  
  
  
"I've said it a million times, Carter," she said. "It's impossible to know what I went through unless you went through it."  
  
He shook his head. "I'm not saying I know what you went through."  
  
She bowed her head and turned away from him to catch her appearance in the mirror, still shadowed from all of the exhaustion of the day.  
  
He came closer to her, giving her a hug. He knew she would leave his hold, but he was wrong. She turned around and hugged him back. He suspected how trouble she had been since her mother arrived. That's how she had been each time her mother visited. He wished he could push it out of the way. He was worried about her. And he hated seeing her unhappy. But he also felt so sympathetic toward Maggie. He had the feeling that she was better now.  
  
And perhaps this time it wasn't just based on a professional opinion. She had always shown how important Abby's relationship with her was, but she was stronger about it. She had explained to Carter about every major and minor step she had taken just to get to Chicago. He wasn't sure if she had told Abby, but she had even received permission from personnel of law and medicine to get here.  
  
He turned her around his arms and peered down at her. "She loves you so much."  
  
Abby closed her eyes and tried to walk away, but he wouldn't let her. "You really don't know, Carter."  
  
"You don't know that she's still sick - "  
  
"She'll always be sick," she snapped.  
  
"But she's better than before," Carter said softly, running hands down her arms. She nodded, barely.  
  
"You know that feeling," she said, scratching her forehead, "when you think you - "  
  
He put a finger over her lips. "You're scared. I know *that* feeling."  
  
She stared at his eyes. It wasn't that lust-enriched stare, it was the final understanding. She nodded, slowly more than ever before, and grasped his torso with weak arms. She fell against his body once more and said in one clouded voice, "I wish you could promise me something."  
  
"I wish I could," he whispered back. "But I know it's gonna be good if you help her a little. Otherwise, nothing's going."  
  
All she could do was nod again. He felt his heart tear from the sides and he held her snug to his side.   
  
"Fine," she said. "I'll talk to her if that's what you want me to do."  
  
"It doesn't matter what *I* want you to do," he said gently, rubbing a finger over the corner of her eyes. "You should mend this with your mother; it's not right. She's your mom."  
  
She looked up at him with wide eyes.   
  
"And I should want her to be here."  
  
He sighed. He kissed the top of her head, which she clearly embraced, and went on to reason, "All you've ever said you wanted her to be was a normal mother. Well, here's your chance. She can be a grandma to this baby, a mother to you."  
  
She nodded. "You're right." 


	32. Relief, Shelter, and Love

Six months, which meant three months left until the newest member of their family would arrive.  
  
Maggie had left six weeks ago. Peacefully. In fact, Carter was happy with the way she handled herself when she left. He figured Abby was, too. The night Carter had mentioned the state of their relationship to Abby was the evening that put her into focus with her mother. For the first time, he thought. The following day, she'd taken off work and spent and entire block of time with her mother. And then the next day. By her third day off, Carter had come home to them deciding on names for the baby. Each of them were laughing as he walked in, and they both greeted him happily.  
  
In fact, he couldn't have pictured a better scene for the two.  
  
He remembered it perfectly. They were perched up onto the couch, sipping hot chocolate. In the middle of a casual conversation as Carter headed off to bed, it being almost ten-thirty. He had kissed Abby on the cheek and said his "goodnights" to the both of them.  
  
Three long days had worked out everything that could be worked out. The past between them, needless to say, was pretty much unfixable. It was something Abby couldn't forgive, no matter how much she tried. Obviously they had come to terms with it as much as they could, though. The feelings for the other were as much mother-daughter as they would ever get.  
  
When she left, Abby hugged her. Carter watched with a grin, genuinely happy for her. After they'd slipped away from the embrace, Carter had put an arm around Abby. He felt that difference in her immediately, although it had been there for a while. Maggie had asked if she could come back when the baby was born, and for the wedding. Before Carter could answer, Abby had already spoke, "Of course."  
  
So she left. Abby had snuggled into bed that night with Carter and thanked him with a million small kisses on his face and a few lingering kisses. But she made sure he knew when she began to cry, catching herself off guard.  
  
She wasn't her usual self. Not that it bothered him, but he took note. She was a little more honest now, in a sense to herself. When she cried, Carter only hugged her and chuckled a little as she went on thanking him. He treasured his hand on her back, smoothly setting the mood as he started in tiny circles, that broken spirit finally lifted from her aching thoughts.  
  
When she pulled away, he saw her smile. He had missed that real, sparkling smile. He told her that, and they went to bed in the other's arms.  
  
He knew how much he loved her more than ever just then. She was open to him, more than she had ever been. He wrapped her up so protectively in the comforter they shared, careful not to let her get cold. He was convinced that nothing would ever make her sad again. He didn't ever want to see her cry painful tears as long as he lived.  
  
He brought her closely to his chest and nestled his nose in her hair, taking in every scent she gave off. Relief, shelter, and love all in one. With one arm draped over her stomach, she playfully traced his fingers until he fell asleep. It was the last thing he remembered of the night.  
  
Six weeks later, Abby had swelled up even larger. She acted as if it never got in the way of her work, proudly carrying on with whatever needed to be done. She had been requesting more and more Chinese food in particular, so their diet had become one of that at home. She had found an abundance of uses for her stomach. Resting a magazine to mark her page, or setting Carter's coffee there.  
  
At night, in bed they would make fun of themselves and how much they enjoyed being fascinated by the baby growing inside of her. She often fell asleep with her head on the pillow, and his close to her stomach. He rarely spoke to it, but more frequently had pressed his ear to the side. Just to listen. He didn't know why, and neither of them ever questioned why he did it.  
  
She hadn't been working shorter shifts, although Carter suggested she did. He figured she would after realizing the pain her back would go through from the longer shifts. But for the meantime, he let her keep her pride held there and didn't force her. Mood swings were common for pregnant people, after all.  
  
They had found themselves walking in the park holding hands more often than ever. And, of course the bench by the river. They had joked about the many times they had been near this spot. At the end of each laugh they had settled onto the seat before it had grown to cold for them to be out. Then, they would walk back to the apartment in silence, refusing to break it if they didn't have to.  
  
And each night ended the same way. A kiss, a hug, and a pair of love declarations before entangling themselves in a mess of comfortable blankets.   
  
  
--  
  
  
Sorry that was so short. I just thought maybe a more detailed fic with no dialogue was in order. *lol*  
  
Also have to thank everyone for all of the generous reviews and criticism I've been receiving lately. It really does make my day when I see a review in my inbox. Don't ask why. It's nice to know that people appreciate all of this that I take my time on (believe it or not). It really motivates me to continue, too. If people had stuck away and been quiet, I still might only have one fic alone on this site.  
  
So thanks to everyone. You guys are so sweet, and awesome! :)  
  
amanda- 


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